can you hear me can you hear me through the dark night far away I am dying forever crying to be with you who can say

我的最新日志

  • Tomorrow is another day

    2007-4-15

     

     

    A very bad day......

     

    Climbed up to my bed unhesitatingly when I came back in dormitory. I feel relaxed and safe when I laid in bed with my eyes closed. I heard two of my roommates came in and one of them asked, " what's wrong with her? She slept so early." The other roommate said," I don't know." I heard that, but I didn't want to make a sound. I was enjoying my silent and free time. I feel the world is safer in the silence.

     

    But I just could not help my tears. I wept in my bed for a while. I heard their left...... I still stayed in bed.

     

    Now I have just got up for a few minutes. It is raining outside. I heard the rain is knocking at the window. This is a lonely world. You think you can be happy, but it is so hard to achieve it. You think you could get on no matter what would happen. But, could you really be brave enough?

     

    Tomorrow is another day,isn't it? Tomorrow, sweet tomorrow...... don't cry, be happy. Because, he is coming back!

     

    Waiting ......

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  • Can I feel the light through rain

    2007-4-14

    It is raining outside now. I am thinking of a man who is on his way to me now. The atmosphere in this city become sweet. Today I was criticized by my boss badly, I almost wept listening to her teaching. Afternoon I heard she was talking her father's illness with someone on the phone. Her father caught a disease. Now I got to know that it is my boss's father , not my boss herself, who has been ill for some time. Now I know why my boss get so disturbed. I hope her father will be ok. Although my boss is very critical and her father has a bad temper, but all of them are actually kind. I hate my job, but I admire my boss.

     

    I think I might be afraid of losing something, but I won't really try to make it stay with me.  I am ready to lose everything so that I will not get hurt by that badly and learn how to treasure what I have now.

     

    God will take care of everything. I will be nice, so, how can you hurt me badly?

     

    Like a rainfall down my soul...... it gave me so peaceful feeling...... not very excited, but warm enough, tender enough...... like soft tune surround painful heart...... It is not like a fire, it is just like a rainfall in spring......

     

    I will complain nothing if I were left alone in the cold winter...... if that come true, maybe, it is my destiny. No matter how I struggle for a warm home, how can I escape myself from my destiny? So, just wait and abide by that.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    "The scars of his past will determine his future. " Just shocked by this sentence, so decide to paste this picture.

     

    Can  I feel the light through the rain?

     

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  • Where are you?

    2007-4-13

    Remember a singer ever sang, " now you have come and all my grave is removed ".  Oh, I ever thought like that too.

     

    Now everything is changed.

     

    A man came back tonight, but I refused to answer his call. He is not the type I like.

    A man is still in another country now and I am used not to think him too often. I have almost forgotten him.

    A man is coming back to me in a few days. I am not excited with that, but feel very comforted. He is a so warm man.

     

    "Can you hear me, can you hear me,through the dark night far away. I am dying forever crying, to be with you, who can say? " I love the song " sailing " very much. another song I love too is " one more time". I am dying forever crying, but you don't know that at all...... Where are you? Do you know that I have been looking for you through all the hardship in my lifetime? Why don't you appear to me? Why have you hidden from me for so many many years? I am aged. My power is weaking. I cannot wait for you anymore.

     

    Ok, I believe you won't come to me . never......

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  • Lecture

    2007-4-12

    This afternoon I attended a lecture about the mutual explanation  between chinese ancient paintings and poems. The lecturer is a young professor from Fu Dan University. This lectue is very interesting.
     
    Some students came to this lecture with camera and pen type-recorder. I really hoped I could have one. Because today's lecture is really great. The professor study the ancient culture with a very unique way. He displayed many precious ancient painting and poem handwriting to us ( of course not real material, he showed them on computer. He made wonderful PPT ) . I know little about this field. It is so interesting. We can read a lot from those ancient painting and poem and know what a social life those ancient intellectuals led and what they thought before.
     
    This semester is a very wonderful semester because we can have many opportunities to listen to many famous professor's leture for us about  front-line literary , historical , soicological research. Those famous professors are from some famous universities or institutes in China. We can have such a chance to listen to this lecture every two weeks. It is very great, isn't it? We had three times so far. Their terrific lecture really open our eyes. Now I know there are many things we need learn. Many many things......
     
    Tonight I am going to attend another class about an ancient philosophical works.
     
    I am not a very talented student, and not most deligent student, but I really like my major and wish I could learn more.  I hope oneday I could go some Cultural Relics and touch those ancient Tombstones, house, painting, handwriting and so on. I hope I could visit some museums......  I want to know what a life the ancient people led.  I never treavelled, and never went to any museum...... Now I know more about china ancient culture than before.

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  • Tommy Shane Steiner：What if she＇s an angel

    2007-4-09

     

    http://ts.hjenglish.com/page/11383/###

     

     

    There's a man, standing on the corner,
    With a sign saying: "Will work for food."
    You know the man, you see him every morning,
    The one you never give your money to.
    You can sit there with your window rolled up,
    Wonderin' when the light's gonna turn green.
    Never knowing what a couple more bucks,
    In his pocket might mean.
    What if he's an angel sent here from heaven?
    And he's making certain that you're doing your best,
    To take the time to help one another:
    Brother, are you gonna pass that test?
    You can go on with your day-to-day,
    Trying to forget what you saw in his face.
    Knowing deep down you could have been his savin' grace.
    What if he's an angel?
    There's a man, and there's a woman,
    Livin' right above you in apartment G.
    There's a lot of noise comin' through the ceiling,
    And it don't sound like harmony.
    You can sit there with your TV turned up,
    While the words in his anger fly.
    But come tomorrow when you see her with her shades on,
    Can you look her in the eye?
    What if she's an angel sent here from heaven?
    And she's making certain that you're doing your best,
    To take the time to help one another:
    Brother, are you gonna pass that test?
    You can go on with your day-to-day,
    Tryin' to forget what you saw in her face.
    Knowing deep down you could have been her savin' grace.
    What if she's an angel?
    Instrumental Break.
    A little girl, on daddy's lap,
    Hidin' her disease with a baseball cap.
    You can turn the channel, most people do.
    But what if you were sitting in her daddy's shoes?
    What if she's an angel sent here from heaven?
    And she's making certain that you're doing your best,
    To take the time to help one another:
    Brother, are you gonna pass that test?
    You can go on with your day-to-day,
    Trying to forget what you saw in her face.
    Knowing deep down you could have been her savin' grace.

     

     

    “What if she's an angel sent here from heaven?/And she's making certain that you're doing your best,
    /To take the time to help one another /Brother, are you gonna pass that test?”

     

    Yes, maybe that person who is waiting for your help is an angel sent here from heaven and she is making certain that you are doing your best,maybe. So, pls be generous and kind to him or her. Do not be disconnected with your parents, do not be cold to your children, do not be distant to your lover, do not be hostile to people who ever hurted you, do not be annoyed with those you dislike ...... Maybe that person is an angel sent here from heaven and she's making certain that you're doing your best,to take the time to help one another.

     

    Try to believe more doubt less. Put a few coins to beggars' hand instead of walking away thinking they are all cheating your money. Do not get angry with others easily, you know nobody is perfect. Give a hand to someone who is in need. Because, maybe that person is an angel sent here from heaven and she is making certain that you are doing your best to take the time to help one another.

     

    Today I was blamed seriously by my boss for my oversuse the file holders. I was thinking she would criticize me for my doing private matters with office facility when she said to me. God blessed me, that printer is ok. However, I categorized those files according to my boss's request. She found fault with me now. I could not understand why she forgot what she asked me  to do. Ok, I just said sorry to her. She might fire me next week, I guess. Ok, it is ok. She has done a lot for me. She is not in a good condition these days. My colleague told me she often went to hospital at Wednesday last month. I wish she would be ok.

     

    Do not feel upset, do not feel lonely. Treat others kindly, be ready to help others. Even you lose everything, remember, angel won't forsake you if you behave good. Life won't break you. Try to pass your test that angel have prepared for you.

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  • Made a mistake today

    2007-4-08

    This afternoon I worked alone at office and I made a mistake......  Now I am very upset...... This afternoon I wanted to print a few pages of an E-book by using printer in my office. But I could not find the hint about scope of print page . The printer was printing without stop. I could not know how to stop it. Even I shut off the computer and printer, it would start again when I reboot them. I wanted to cancel the printing assignment, but it didn't work. I don't know why. Since I didn't how to stop it, and I was afraid my colleague ( this colleague is a nosey guy. I was so regretful to use his computer. but another colleague's computer could not read PDF files , otherwise I would not worry about such a thing.) would find out I used printer to do private matter when he open the computer tomorrow morning, so I decided to print out all the pages. Do you know how many pages are there in this E-book? Five hundred! I used Five hundred sheets! My boss might be aware of the reduction of paper sheets...... and finally, the printer didn't work......
     
    I left office like a thief this evenfall...... I didn't mean to do it...... I just don't know how to control that printer...... My boss might be angry with me if she find that I used office equipment to do personal matters.
     
    The title of that E-book is " The History Of China Imperial Examination " ......
     
    Maybe my boss will fire me before I quit the job...... I am really a little worried...... My boss treats me good. I feel guilty to her......
     
    Alex, alex, alex...... I wish you would be my side now and tell me " don't worry ,it will be ok " ......
     

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  • A busy day

    2007-4-05

    Wednesday is always a busy day in this semester. I have to attend classes from morning to night. I still took a nap in the noon. I cannot have the engergy to go on my study in afternoon if I don't doze for a while. I ususally sleep for one or two hours. Am I lazy? I always feel tired.

     

    Except that DAMN ancient poem-wirting class, I feel happy when I sit at class even I cannot understand those lessons very well. I know I need read more. I like school life. I don't like company. I don't want to be a clerk at a company. I like school. I like to read some books about art, archeology history, culture, philosophy, sociology and so on. I have read less than ten books since last semester...... I wish I could read more this semester.

     

    I wish I could finish the reading of  The Contents Abstract of Complete Library of the Four Treasures of Knowledge (I don't know if the translation is correct: ) as soon as possible. Today Prof. Yan said we could not finish the reading it even in three years! Oh, my God! I know I can select some sections to read, but how can I work out statistical data which can provide me enough evidences to make my analysis for my article if I don't read it all?  If I just read a part of it, I can know it in a rough, but I cannot raise a question which is worth trying to be answer. And, I cannot provide a solution to that question.

     

    Oh, there are so many things to be done. English, Japanese, ancient books......

     

    It seemed I never read a book from begining to the end...... terrible.

     

    I have lagged behind others so much......  I hope I can keep up them someday, but I know it is not easy...... I am not very young......

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  • Longhua Temple and Longhua Martyrs' Mausoleum

    2007-4-04

    Today we visited Longhua Temple and Longhua Martyrs' Mausoleum. We went there by bus. On the way there I watched the mobile television on bus and happened to see LEEAO -- a very famous politician and historian, threw his shoes to a congressman at parliament. It seems that Taiwan politician always behave like a child. But I think it is better than hatch a plot behind smile face......

     

    It is said that Longhua Temple was built at A.D. 242 by Sun Quan -- a king of Wu . Longhua Temple had endured many diasters caused by wars for more than one thousand years. An affable monk led us to look around the temple and described the history of joss and some monks' handwriting and painting. The joss in the temple is very impressive. It shows people a very bright world. It occured to me that some people in secular clothes were so incongruous here. I wish I could live in a temple at that moment.

     

    I know little about Buddhism. I planned to read some book about Buddhism in this summer vacation. I just feel a little strange why the temple leave no enough space for prayers. Catholic church always leave a large space for people to pray.

     

    Left Longhua Temple for Longhua Martyrs' Mausoleum. Longhua Martyrs' Mausoleum is very large and quiet. A lot of pines, bamboo , peach blossom and beautiful lawns creat a nice environment for those sacrificed their lives for their beliefs. I wish I would be buried here while I was dead, hehe. Tomorrow is Tomb-sweeping Day and the main leaders in Shanghai city are going here to show their respects to herioes, so we could see some soldiers were making a rehearsal for tomorrow's ceremony.

     

    If I was one of survival of that disaster in 1920's or 1930's and I went to see my commrades sleeping here, how should I be suppose to think about when I stoold here? They tried to change the country, they tried to creat a bright country, they didn't care their lives for that revolution. But, it is the world they were expecting and struggling for many years ago? Endless violence...... with the name of democracy......

     

    Maybe Buddhism is wiser than any revolutionary theory because it try to make people believe something eternal. We are all human beings. and we know the world is always as it was. What we can do is to try to do our best to be good people and be helpful to others. We know we cannot have salvation in this secular world, but we still try our best to be good people and always be ready to help others.

     

    Oh, It seems I am going to be a Buddhist:)

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  • Stop weeping

    2007-4-03

    Today I feel very frustrated. This morning our ancient poem-writing teacher gave us a informal quiz. In this quiz we were required to rearrange the peom sequences which had been disordered deliberately.  I didn't know how to do it at all. I got no points. I feel so frustrated. I could not help my tears when I stepped out of classroom. Why am I so stupid? Other classmates all know how to do it.
     
    A classmate asked me in the noon if I know my supervisor's another student have been admitted by Hongkong Chinese University for doctorate degree. I surely knew that. I feel more frustrated when that classmates asked me this. I feel I am so stupid. How can I achieve my goal in this way? I want to study oversea like that classmate, but I feel so difficult with my study here! I could't help my tears......
     
    I just luckily passed the entrance exam for this university. Now I know I haven't built a sound foundation of academic knowledge like other classmates.
     
    I really feel great pressure recently. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I understand all lessons?
     
    I feel so lonely, so lonely. I want help, but I don't know how can I get help. When I prepared for high education examination for self-study students many years ago, I never felt this terrible frustration. Because I didn't know what others was doing and I didn't care. I just did it in my way. Now I am thrown into this crowded campus. I am surrounded with some talented classmates. I find I am the most stupid student among them. I am so aggitated. I feel so lonely, so lonely. I am afraid I will get lost in the competetion.
     
    It is easy to me to give compliment to others everyday, but it is so hard to find reason to give myself a compliment. And I am doubting if I will be competent to be a scholar someday? I do a very bad job in my study now.
     
    Ok, stop weeping. It is not the end of the world. I have to study now. I shouldn't care so much. If I will die tomorrow, what will be considered the most important? So, stop crying, calm down, and, study!

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  • Girlfriend

    2007-4-02

    Find the oral english teacher is very humorous. He is like Mike at many ways: ) But he is happier than Mike. I like happy people. I don't want to stay with people who have no smile on their face.

     

    Tried to return the money to my girlfriend and she refused to accept it. She said, " how can you get on without the money? This is all your property. I have never lended money to you. Do not mention that anymore. " We dinned together. She insisted to pay the bill. I stopped her and paid the bill. After dinner, we walked along the street for a while. She bought a T-shirt. I paid for her. Because she always takes care of me. She will go to Guangzhou for business trip in one or two weeks. She said, " I will buy T-shirt for you from there. " Last summer she went to Guangzhou for business trip and bought me a T-shirt for me. She treats me like my real sister.

     

    Some girls chatted in my dormitory.

     

    I have got the copy of " The ladder of success in imperial china -- Aspects of social mobility, 1368 - 1911 ". I hope I can finish the reading in a few months.

     

     

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