Stop weeping

Today I feel very frustrated. This morning our ancient poem-writing teacher gave us a informal quiz. In this quiz we were required to rearrange the peom sequences which had been disordered deliberately.  I didn't know how to do it at all. I got no points. I feel so frustrated. I could not help my tears when I stepped out of classroom. Why am I so stupid? Other classmates all know how to do it.

 

A classmate asked me in the noon if I know my supervisor's another student have been admitted by Hongkong Chinese University for doctorate degree. I surely knew that. I feel more frustrated when that classmates asked me this. I feel I am so stupid. How can I achieve my goal in this way? I want to study oversea like that classmate, but I feel so difficult with my study here! I could't help my tears......

 

I just luckily passed the entrance exam for this university. Now I know I haven't built a sound foundation of academic knowledge like other classmates.

 

I really feel great pressure recently. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I understand all lessons?

 

I feel so lonely, so lonely. I want help, but I don't know how can I get help. When I prepared for high education examination for self-study students many years ago, I never felt this terrible frustration. Because I didn't know what others was doing and I didn't care. I just did it in my way. Now I am thrown into this crowded campus. I am surrounded with some talented classmates. I find I am the most stupid student among them. I am so aggitated. I feel so lonely, so lonely. I am afraid I will get lost in the competetion.

 

It is easy to me to give compliment to others everyday, but it is so hard to find reason to give myself a compliment. And I am doubting if I will be competent to be a scholar someday? I do a very bad job in my study now.

 

Ok, stop weeping. It is not the end of the world. I have to study now. I shouldn't care so much. If I will die tomorrow, what will be considered the most important? So, stop crying, calm down, and, study!