Angel and Passerby

I walk past a shop everyday.

There’s a girl often sitting there.

She usually wear a red shirt, a pair of blue jeans

and a pair of gray shoes.

I’ve got to say,

she is not that pretty, but she has a pure innocent face.

That is a face of an angel.

I often steal a sideways glance at her when I pass.

It is good that she does not find me, maybe she dose.

But what of it?

I’m just a passerby.

Love, Hate and Tolerance

The world is not so nice for we not only have LOVE, but also have HATE, between love and hate is TOLERANCE.

No doubts that lots of people think the most beaufiful flower in the world is rose, while I think it is lily, of which I do appreciate the simplicity and the purity. The fascinating fragrance of rose, the kinds of colors, the meanings of representation, and so forth, make it take the first place in the plant kingdom. I’m convinced, however, that there’s still something excelling rose, and that is LOVE. Love is a special unseen strong power, which can touch the hearts of toughs, transfer the ashes after an earthquake into a nicer homestead, or make the heavens and the ocean bluer, and the forests, greener. Life is pretty nice, indeed, for we have love, which were taken away, the world were nothing but a desert without days.

It is generally accepted that the most poisonous snake is cobra. But do you not think there is something that is more poisonous than cobra?

Yes, I do, and that is HATE. Hate can make the Untied States blockade Cuba; hate can ignite the tinder of African rebel armies; hate can make the streets in Iraq stained with blood, and hate can end your life. If the world were full enough of love, we could set aside excessive power politics or economic interests, pass our love to the utmost to others instead, then, in Africa, hunger were not that much, in Iraq, we heard not too sound of explosion, and in the earth, we saw not so many tears and looks in despair. Hate is devil, love creates everything, while hate destroys everything.

I believe all the way that there must be a connection between love and hate, and that is TOLERANCE. Tolerance is just like the neck of a bottle, the more wide, the more water flows, and more oases in deserts. Each person has his own bottleneck of tolerance; how wide yours is desides how much hate you can drain out of your mind, how much love you can share, and how many oases you can see. I’m convinced most people prefer oases to ruins; I believe that the rising level of the sea will fall one day, that the hunger, in Africa, besetting my brothers and sisters, will disappear for ever, that the bombs in Iraq will become stuff of a historical museum.

P.S.

The moment I see the TV pictures of hunger in Africa, I’m sorry for that. I hope, one day, I could be given a chace to work in Africa. You know something? This idea is always abiding with me, I just hope I could do something for them to improve their life. And I think the world needs more love of all of us.

Giving Me Some Personal Space

I was running at the City Stadium this morning. A man, about twenty four, was running with me shoulder to shoulder.

All of sudden he said: “Hi, man!

“Well, hi!” said I offhand.

You may think only of that as an average start for some conversation. The truth is, that was the start of my misfortune.

Have you ever been tired of someone who kept badgering you all day long to meet his requests? Have you ever been surrounded by a flock of wasps buzzing around and not able to get out of the way? Did you say: “Get out of here, buddy!”? If it just happened to you, how would you feel?

I stopped to stretch body and exercise, so did him, whom I was not bothered with so far. It seemed to me that it was normal for two strangers talking a little with each other. I mean I talked a little bit. Nothing was showing that we had some things in common. He was not the man, one of the soul mates I found.

I would not mind if I could have one more friend. To my disappointment, just like the shadow of mine, he followed me and sat close by my side when I was resting on the steps. How he was so dying to express himself that I seldom interrupted him out of politeness. But he  spoke too much, and too much is too much. It was really difficult to stand the loudspeaker broadcasting nonsense around your ears all the way.

As he was excitedly chattering on the world and his life without considering my feeling, I just continued on in silence. If I could speak some words came with disgust. I said, “Oh, yeah, come on, wow, gee, boy, goddddddd!”

I guess no people in their right mind could bear listening to his endless preaching. To make things worse, when he spoke to me, he reached his neck so close to me and, endlessly, squawking. Above all things, he was wearing some kind of perfume. I hated it. The mixed smell of perfume and sweat was so stifling that my respiration became difficult, which brought me to the edge of passing out.

Close your eyes and imagine you are in the situation, and you know how bad it is! Oops, it’s toooooooooo bad, indeed. So I’d got to get rid of it by cooking up a story. Yet, at the moment, I knew not what to say! I mean I never intended to put him on the spot by some sharp remarks.

With a faint smile, I rose to my feet before he finished his talk and said, “Oh, man, don’t you wanna walk around, I wanna do it for a while.” Without his permission, I went away!

He said, in stunned silence, “Oh, yeah! Well, see you next time!”

“You are about to leave! Ok, see you!” said I. And I dared not to say: “NEXT TIME.”

The golden and warm light of dawn seeped down from the leaves of trees above. I breathed a sigh of relief when he was out of my sight! Perhaps out of sight, out of mind. Now I was able to free my heart and enjoy the nature given by God.

Fight like a Soldier

I stretched my body, ran two kilometers, did thirty push-ups and sit-ups and other stuff, which I did almost everyday in the morning. After it was done, I stopped to sit on the stairs in the City Stadium.

The young girl, about 13, who I just got acquainted with two days ago, came up to me and asked if I was a soldier since I often wore camouflage coat.

Her question brought back to my mind one dream of my childhood. The moment I recalled the scene of wearing a military cap given by my father and shooting a toy gun at my fellows when I was a child, I felt proud and excited and happy as I used to feel back then.

There was only a great dream to be a great soldier in my imagination as a little boy. The sight of police or police cars every time made me hot-blooded and strengthened my desire to go for my dream. I just thought that they had guns, got respect and power, could do what others were not able to; they were big potatoes who I admired too much.

In order to realize my dream, a big decision was made to stop smoking after thinking it over because my father said you could only be a tall and strong soldier if you were nonsmoker. I have to say here that I once was a horrible smoker, who, once in a while, stole chicken feed from my father’s clothes while he was sleeping, in spite of a little boy who was about eight, not mature enough to smoke like an adult. In any case, I gave it up for my high-minded dream.

The recollection of childhood was still abiding with me, but the ship’s gone. My dreams have been changing with my age and the living standard in different times. Life is tough for most people, certainly, including me. Sometimes you have to adjust yourself to new situations and give up something, even are forced by circumstances to do other things. Though I won’t be a great soldier of my childish dream, I’m so proud for what I did. From that time I’ve ever not smoked and drunk, I did if I must do. Above all things, though I won’t be a great soldier, in some way I could’ve been a soldier in my heart and I will fight for my life like a soldier for ever.

God’s Aid

Today I saw a scene of a conversation between a father and a son in a film called The Pursuit of Happiness starring Will Smith.

The conversation makes me laugh and think about life. Though I conceive nothing, somehow I feel something special and I don’t know how to speak. Of course, you may give an answer on this conversation for you life.

The son speaks to his father:

Dad, listen to this: One day, a man drowning in the water.

And a boat came by and said, “Do you need any help?”

He said, “No, thank you. God will save me.”

Than another boat came by, said, “Do you need any help?”

And he said, “No, thank you. God will save me.”

Than he drowned, and he went to heaven. And he said, “God, why didn’t you save me?”

And God said, “I sent you two big boats, you dummy.”

Another World

I’m a man in daytime, but I don’t know who I am.

Some people see me, but they don’t know me.

I cross and walk in streets, and it’s unknown where I come from and go.

The sunshine brightens the road I walk to somewhere strange, while the sweat falls off my cheeks.

It’s salty and bitter. And the road never ends.

I’m a spirit in nighttime, but I don’t know who I am.

Nobody sees me, but I see them passing by my side.

I’m flowing here and there in the night sky above a city. The wind blows me east or west.

The moonshine shines on the dark scattered clouds, while the ice-crystal freezes over my hair.

It’s transparent and cold. And I’m flying all the time until dawn.

I ask God who I am, how many days I have to go, how far I have to fly?

And I’ve never been told.

I’m sick, mad, break into pieces. A spirit goes alone, for another world.

Five “No Matter”

I met two street entertainers on my way home after doing exercise this morning. The blind girl stood and sang, about nineteen years old. The boy seemed to be her older brother, was all skin and bones, about twenty-four years old, played electric piano by her side.

I’d like to give some chicken feed; it was a pity that I came out without money. Somehow I admired them for their performance, their braveness and the striving for a better life, which could be tougher especially to disabled people. They are taking on more strains and pressure of life. No doubt that some people despise them, get tired of them for their physical defects. What’s more, they cannot find jobs easily since discrimination and bias exist. However, some of them would learn some skills in order to earn their living. I’ve got to say they are wise too much, even better than normal people. If you once saw a film called “Forrest Gump阿甘正传”, you know the power and wisdom of disabled people.

But, sometimes I would meet some disabled people in the streets who are pray for food and money. Even some normal masked people do so. I look down upon them, I give nothing. Some are good-for-nothing, some are cheaters, and some are lazybones. They can do something for their lives with legs and arms, and nothing else they do but ask passersby for almsgiving all the way. I don’t think it’s my affairs, if you give something to them for your sympathy, you are not saving but destroying them, besides, I should put money in some place where needs it the most. Maybe the asylums and judges would give them answers.

I often tell me that no pain no gain, you do nothing and you get nothing.

No matter who you are, the disabled people or the normal people, be an honest man.

No matter when you start, early or late, it’s never too late to start.

No matter what you do, run a bank or clean a house, do it well.

No matter how hard the work is, without help or support, stay the course.

No matter where you are, in upper-class circles or lower-class circles, the light of soul shines on the road to success. And that’s my five “No Matter”

God, I’m Afraid

I’ve been ready more than half a year for going abroad to study further for a master in Spanish or Economics. Truth to tell, I’m a common person born to a common family. You see I have no more choices to make better trip overseas. Mr. Money is not good enough to me. He just gives me bread and milk, but never gives me a milch cow. Maybe I’m not good yet at milking.

But, God, I’ve applied for admission two times into an overseas university. Although I once had great expectation, there is no hope for the first country in Central America for policy-changing. My first choice was dead; the road was blocked on November, 2007 after waiting three months. It was dead and I could do nothing but feel pain.

Now I’m expecting the visa from the second nation in daytime. My splendid sun, you are shining on me, you know what I’m thinking. When you are gone, darkness comes, I’m dreaming of it coming to me at night. My tender moon, the night sky is spangled with stars over my head. You know what I’m dreaming of. Four months have elapsed, and no news yet. I’m fearful that this time would be going to eat dust, in that case, I will have to say goodbye to South America.

I’m anxious, worried and troubled each day. I’m waiting uneasily for the moment. But I’m not sure if the failure is on its way to come. If that would be my fate, I’ll make my final decision to go to one of countries in Asia. I don’t believe in God, but now I pray to God for help. I hope the first step of my dream will come to truth. I once was trained for nothing, and now I don’t wanna be good for nothing. I don’t wanna do it by half. I don’t wanna be despised. Yet, God, I’m afraid, I’m really afraid…Nothing can produce calmer, clearer more comfortable thinking for me now.

The Dangers of Products for Making Skin Lighter

[Today when I listened to one of VOA programs, I learned about some valuable suggestions about female on cosmetics. It is well known that everybody wants to be more and more handsome or beautiful, especially girls. However, above all things is how to correctly go after beauty. What you have to solve first is to know how to keep you in good health as you grow more pretty and keep a slender body. Anytime, anywhere, remember health first. The following is what I quote from that VOA program. It’s so important for females to learn about beauty care products, if you are female, you can’t miss it.]

VOA HOST: Skin lightening has become a common activity across Africa, Asia and other areas.  In such places, light skin often is more socially accepted than dark skin.  It also is considered a mark of beauty, intelligence and success. 

More and more people with dark skin are using skin-lightening products, even if it means they may face greater health risks.  They believe that having whiter skin will improve their lives.  Many people think they will have a better chance of getting a job or marrying into a better family.  Or they want to look like what their society considers beautiful. 

Some beauty care products and soaps contain chemicals that make skin lighter.  This process is also called bleaching. However, some of the chemicals are extremely dangerous.  One of the most dangerous is hydroquinone.  Hydroquinone has been banned in several countries.  The chemical has been linked to some kinds of cancer and kidney damage.  It also causes low birth weight in babies when mothers use it during pregnancy.

At first, bleaching products make the skin color lighter.  But after long-term use they can cause problems.  They could even make some skin darker. 

The chemicals in the products block and break down the natural process that gives skin color.  The skin loses its natural barrier to protect against sunlight.  Then the skin can become thick and discolored.  Usually the person will use more of the product in an effort to correct the problem but this makes it worse.

Fatimata Ly treats skin conditions in the Senegalese capital, Dakar. Doctor Ly says skin bleaching has become a problem throughout Senegal.  She says the chemicals are now more dangerous because they are stronger.  And, she says, some cases have resulted in infections, permanent skin damage and blackened fingernails. 

Some people suffer emotional problems because of the changes.  They feel regret and sadness.  They say instead of taking such health risks they should have learned to love and accept their skin color.

Your Heart Never Come Back

[The more I see you, the more I want you]

The first time I saw you, you were so shy, smiled all the time. I spoke that I liked you, then your fair cheeks flushed and your head dropped. When you lifted the head up, I was already by your side without your permission.

The second time I saw you, you smiled at me with confusion. You spoke that why I liked you such an unbeautiful girl. I thought a moment, you know, I liked you for nothing, I just liked to sit by your side, to be with you.

The third time I saw you; you came up to me and gave me a tight hug. I said I couldn’t help to kiss you, you were fire, and you made me hot. You shook head, “No, I don’t know how to kiss.” But you closed your eyes; you know, your lips were so tender and sweet.

But one day, I was waiting for you my lovely little creature in a corner of a park. You promised me to come on time, but you did not. My gentle lamb, your favorite lemon just was on the bench, while my pop-can was empty and my heart was. All the streetlights went out one by one, and you not come up yet and I didn’t know what happened and my heart was beating, for you.

At three in the morning, you phoned to say you were going to move with your parents to an extremely far place. Yet I’d not been ready for that. For a moment, I thought I had been dead since I’d been unable to feel my heartbeat.

[The sea gull was waiting for his mate, the storm was on its way to come, and he knew nothing.]

Finally, in any case, you came out, for the last time. Your clear eyes were fogged with tears. With a doleful look, you said, “This is the last day for us.” “Yes, the last day…” I said.

“I go now…”

“Yep…but will you come back?”

…

[Five years later] 

Babe, this morning I saw you again after long. However, you are not the same one, and you are no longer the fire. Your eyes seemed such cook that I got despondent. Your heart has been gone, for ever, never come back.

Lonely, so lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely, I have nobody…

Happy, so happy, you’re Ms. Happy, you have somebody…

“I go now…”

“Yeah…”

Joy Is by Your Side

Some of my friends asked me if it’s hard to find joy. They said they always felt bad, they had bad days all the time, no money, no dates, no business, and no success. For them, life seems like deep dark hole, you see nothing, hear nothing and feel fears. “Oh, boy, it’s hard to find joys!”

I’m thinking that, a person may feel happy because he saved other person’s life, for he is a hero.  Another one feels happy since he is greatly successful in his career. Still another one feels happiness for his beautiful date or perfect family.

But, please note my words here. You pick the pen up and give it to your classmate, he or she says thank you to you with smile, and you could feel happy. You spend three hours searching for your missing keys and you find it, you feel happy. When you see a little goldfish coming back to life and swimming in a fish tank, you may get nothing or lose nothing, yet you also feel pleasure for the grace of God.

Happiness is such simple. It may happen in different place, in different situation and at different time, to all kinds of people. However the joy is all the same under the sky, no mater what you do are great affairs or little bits.

So don’t blame your fate for your carelessness. Dot’s try so hard, don't find joy hear and there too mush, for joy is by your side. You feel happy if you take great care for your life.  Get over yourself and prepare for your dreams in the future. Yet don't expect to go through your life with happiness all the way, for life is made of sweets and bitters.

Would you pick up a piece of waste paper on the smooth and bright floor of a grand hall?

Would you receive the handbill passed by a poor girl at a street corner?

Would you lift up the baby boy who tripped over a stone on the sidewalk?

Could you get you father a cup of tea when he was back home after a long day?

Could you offer some little change to a stranger that, by your side, lacked for it in a post office?

Could you stop your car and get out to move a short log in a road?

What may you do when you discover a note in a cab?

What may you do when you see a dime falling from a person’s pocket?

What may you do when a sportsman’s soccer stops by your feet?

Would you do?

Could you do?

What can you do?

This morning I was off to bank by bus. After a few moments came an old man at his sixties. I was at the back of the bus, and not surprised at that no passenger offered him a seat. When he was moving to the back of the bus, after tussling with myself for a few seconds I gave my seat up. And on my way home in a bus, I met a lady, who took a seat and started making up sweater but her glove fell from her handbag. A woman and I saw this scene, this time I pick it up without thinking.

Of course you may think that I was showing off, and you may think that I liked to be in the spotlight. In our real life, we can do a million things, but we do few. In any case, here I want to mean that you are supposed to do what ever the great service to the small service if you can.  After that, in return, I’m sure that you must feel happy with your action. Don’t always fix your eyes on the big affairs; the small ones also are wonderful. Before I was escaping, wearing a mask for my life, from now on, I just want to do my best to face myself and the world.

Three Whites and One Black

The other day I went to International Travel Health-care Center in provincial capital of Guizhou for the results of my medical examination. I met four foreigners there by chance. At that time, three whites----- two ladies and one man who seemed to be at their thirties, talked with each other, on their right side was a black man at his twenties, he was sitting on the other end of the bench in silence. The whites didn’t chat with the black.

Each of them had one’s own style. Of course I mean their looks.

Let us talk about the highest lady first. She was about 177 centimeters tall. Her hair was twisted into a braid. She was outstanding among people not only because of her height, but also her thinness. Just like some runway of airplane, the lady was white, flat and long. Perhaps you may feel that she just was a pile of bones not a person when you hugged her.

Compare to her, the other lady was fat and short. If she was careless and fell down the stairs, she might be rolling down like a beer barrel. And her glasses would be going to pieces. I wonder if she was ever thinking about her weight, for her, what does beauty mean?

Still the white man was a fat one. He was not too tall, the meat was piled on his face. I was always thinking of him as a lady before the moment I met with him in the Men’s Room, opened my mouth and said to myself “why you are here”, buddy, I was shocked. It’s hard to picture that a person who wears long hair in blue without beard is a real man.

I’m not sure if they eat like a horse or eat far less, maybe they are suffering from malnutrition, maybe they just want to be themselves, or they are unable to control themselves to keep a good shape. It looks that no person is without defects.

Now time to talk about the black boy. Actually he was a dark purple person; the color of his skin was like the ripe grape that makes people’s mouth water. He has a beautiful, purple and short characteristic hairstyle of curls. His eyes were clear; a glimmer of light came through each of them. He seemed to be very healthy, but a little blue. There were three whites, and the whites did not talk with the purple.

P.S.

I didn’t know until I spoke with them that, one was from Ireland, another was from Australia, and still another was from the United States. The three people were foreign teachers at a normal university. The purple man was here for studying, he was from South Africa. I’d like to chat with him for more time because I was born to have a good feeling to blacks. But it was hard for me to understand his African English because of my poor English. They were ready to go back their home countries. Anyway I wish them a good journey.

Be careful when you cut the cheese

I took two pieces of two inches of pictures, my identity card and its copies; then started my trip to the provincial capital by long-distance bus. At the mention of bus, I’m a little afraid because I’m a bit carsick. So in order to make nothing to affect my results of examination I set off in the afternoon the day before.

I lodged at the house of one of my father’s old friends who once was a big potato at the Office of Science Technology and Industry for National Defense of Guizhou Province.

The old kind man who is at his fifties made an ungraceful impression on me. That is, he might cut the cheese even in front of people, if his body needs. So you may picture how much he exhausts.

That day his wife and son were out, as a result, he’d got to prepare food for supper. I’d love to be his assistant, but was refused. He asked me to have a seat in the sitting room. I did so, then after a few minutes, I heard his first sound from his body. I began to feel sick. To my surprise, he went on breaking wind when cooked the food.

As it was time for meal, I just tasted the food because I had no stomach, even if I knew I would receive medical examination tomorrow morning. The moment I thought of that sound, it made me disgusted. However, his son ate like a horse after he came back.

Actually, it’s no big deal! Everybody cut the cheese! But anything you do has its own occasion. You may think it’s proper for you to do what you like. In fact, it might not be right for others. So when you do something, you’d better know what others think about it! So as you are comfortable, others feel happy!

So Long As

Love, comes quietly, and quietly it goes...

But, so long as you take great care to follow, you can hear it.

Love, comes slowly, and quickly it goes...

Yet, so long as you are patient and shrewd enough, you can enjoy the very special moment.

Love, comes happily, and sadly it goes...

However, so long as you can accept the bitters, then you can taste the sweets of love.

Do you trust it, love happens to everybody, but it’s different. And you have your own choice. You could hold love, also you could destroy love…anyway it’s up to you. Oh, guys, good luck to you!

Bitch and Child

Last night several friends and I were drinking in a dance hall. After we sat for a few minutes we heard the innocent sound of a little girl at the age of six or seven.

Oh, God! The moment I saw the scene of a woman hugging her little daughter and drinking beer and flirting with several people I said to myself what such a bitch! One of my friends went over and said Hello to them. According to what he said, she just was a bitch who was unable to stay put in home and liked to be tied between men.

I thought she had forgot that she is a mother when she dank and flirted with others, even her little daughter was in front of her. I was wondering if she just only kept her baby girl as something that she barely had to bring. If she was clever, she would take her to that dance hall after she was grown up. It’s badly a sine to take one’s own children to a place where had alcohol, drunks, filled with sexual attraction. It’s not the right time.

If you are not ready to be a mother, don’t bring your baby come to the world. If you do, make sure to be a good mother, give your child a better growing environment, so that she or he can grow strong and sturdy.

My Father and Mother

I take after my mother, but my character is more similar to my father.

My elder sister takes my father, although she is kind, but her temperament is much worse than my mother. For example, when you ask her something again for you are not sure about that, perhaps she would be angry with you now.

My father graduated a college. He once was a civil servant, a policeman, a doctor. He always held two jobs at once. In fact, he was an excellent doctor all the time.

My mother graduated an elementary school. She’s had no any job all along. She is an outstanding housewife. Perhaps to do housework just is her job. She’s always putting everything in good order. No doubt she is a good mother.

I prefer father to mother. Father thinks you should be thinking of others when you are thinking of yourself, even others first; while mother thinks, you should think of yourself first before you think of others. You are poor, if you enrich others, you would be poorer. So you are rich, then you can enrich others. And the fact is, that we are not rich indeed.

That’s one of differences between mom and dad. Sometimes, father and mother quarreled with each other because he always did good things for other people without charge even he paid for other people. Such as he handled cases, cured sick people, especially old people, footed a bill after a meal, lent money or made a donation to a poor student.

One thing I won’t forget about for ever, that one time mother had a fierce row with father, after the serious quarrel she suddenly picked up the vitric ashtray on the tea table and crazily threw it at father, luckily, he dodged. Father was red-faced, sitting in a wooden chair, The ashtray broke into pieces.

At that moment, I was on the spot, in my teens, unable to hold back my emotions. Quietly my eyes were fogged with tears. I’ll never forget about that. Once I think of the scene, I feel a fear that… Mother was so cruelhearted! I’ll never forgive what she had done, although I loved and will love her for she is a great mother.

Father said to pay several bills won’t make you poor to death, to do good things never make you suffer losses. He thought, as a doctor, what the first word you would say is “how do you feel today?” not “did you pay for the treatment?”; as an official, you should say “how is your business going” not how much you should give; as a friend, you should say “don’t worry about that, just let me do it”.

My father just is a person like this. He is shy, kind, sincere, patient with a great sense of uplift. Before I was a second grader, father had become an electrical technician that could repair TV set, radio or tape recorder, through self-study. When I was a second grader, he had studied by himself and become a doctor. When I was a fourth grader, he had become a policeman, and several years he became an official.

As for me, father is just like a legend. He is an ordinary person who’s not ordinary. He is a hardy man, never cry (for all his life, it is for my first to see his tears for my scalded younger sister), he has failures but he never give in. This is the hero in my heart, my dear father.

I Miss My Father

It was hard to believe the news I heard this morning that my friend Stella’s mother had taken her own life yesterday. I was badly surprised then, and now I’m still unable to accept the news, because I just talked with her several times some days ago. She was about forty-eight, a beautiful, kind woman. God, please tell me why a pretty good lady should leave the world early!

To be sure that Stella who is studying in France must be rather sad to hear the bad message. Stella and her mother and stepfather (I hope they could get along well with each other) had lived in a building next to mine before September, two thousand seven. In September Stella’s mother sold their house in order to make her study in France. When I was told that, I was moved by her behavīor, for I saw the mother’s greatness and intelligence. All mothers are great, but not everyone is quite intelligent. I believe that Stella’s mother had made many sacrifices and right decision for Stella’s future.

Stella’s mother has been asleep for ever, Stella is so sad, with tears.

Here I think of my dear father. He had left me on May twenty-sixth, two thousand four at the age of forty-eight. At that moment, I was studying in an university as a freshman.

I still remember that day. I was having physical education in the afternoon. One of my classmates came up to me and told me that someone was finding me on the air. When I settled down and heard the announcer repeating that “Wang Linhai, please come to the reception room in time, you uncle is waiting for you there.” When I ran to there, I saw a friend of father’s. He said, “Hai, it’s about your father, I’m so sorry, but you father…”

I ran away before he finished the talk. I knew that my father had been sick for long.

I came to a long-distance station by a bus with a badly anxious and uneasy heart, then, took a coach there to go home.

When I got to the gate of the hospital, the sky was getting dark, I happened to see my father was carried into a car driving up to the place where he was born, I knew he would end his whole life there.

The blood with some white foam had been trickling down from father’s mouth…

Tightly I’d held father’s still cold hands and ceaselessly wiped his blooded mouth, without tears, until the blood no longer trickled from his mouth. I broke into tears loudly, until now I suddenly became conscious that my father had left me, he had gone, forever.

Anytime, anywhere I often miss my father, especially when I see other people’s father, when I hear somebody call his own father, when I get anything about father, then I think I’ve had no father, he’s gone…

God, please tell him, I’ll always miss him, and I’m so proud to be his son, and I’ll be his good son…

I often miss my father, but he’s gone…

Find a Man for Life

She is a kind girl, 24, one of my friends, called Susan. I’ve got to admit that Susan is not very beautiful, but she is so pleasant to everybody.

Recently her mother has been busy finding a boy for her, but she refused every boy introduced by her mom. So her mother gets angry with her, sometimes once she meet Susan, she chatters about her future, this includes her work, her life, of course, and her marriage.

She’s been a bit upset; yeah I can tell that it is too much for her blood, yet what of if. You are daughter, she is mother, and there is something you can’t change.

Actually Susan has a boyfriend, who is working in Beijing the capital of China. It’s too far from here. They love each other, but her mom does not permit them to be together, you know, it’s not allowed for Susan to go out of mom’s sight. Here I’m confused, as a mother, is to tie your girl strictly and give her mother love or to let her go free and get what she should have?

Susan is an accountant, working in an Insurance company. In order to earn more money, she’s been also selling insurance in her spare time, which means you’ve got to deal with all kinds of people, you’ve got to have a smooth tongue. Yup she does have, she can speak well, smoke as well as drink. So she gets acquainted lots and lots of people, bad people, such as underworld figures, rogues, dogs; rich people, such as officials, bosses, investors, etc. And some guys, not bad or good.

It is said that some guys like her, go after her. But she says No to them. As for her, they are rich indeed, but too fat, or too ugly. More than once she told me she didn’t like any of them, she just liked the common men. In fact, she likes the rich, good-looking guy. But, do you think who you are? She thinks I didn’t know what happen to her; actually, I know, she was dumped again.

Yes, she often told me she just wanted to find a good, ordinary man.

And this morning, about 9 o’clock, this moment I’d been asleep. Suddenly, my phone rang, I picked up the phone, heard her heavy voice. She told me she was pregnant. I jumped out of the bed, ran fast to her home on the sixth floor.

We sat in the car; almost did not speak. She burrowed her head into my shoulder, without crying. When we got to the hospital, I saw her face was pale at a stroke. She even didn’t look up at the big white gate of the hospital.

About half an hour, I took her in my arms and went out of the hospital to the car. I heard, she was sobbing, quietly.

She told me, he was a teacher; she thought he were a good, common man….

New Year / New Hope / New Resolutions

There were so countless things that happened in the past, but I don’t want to talk about the past, because I know I was such a bad guy, who wasted so much time and did lots of mistakes when I was not aware of their seriousness. As I knew it, I was either too late for all or lost the best place or the most suitable moment. But I still have colorful dreams, I still have blue passion, so I still have to go down a road with hope, go for something I never realize.

A new year, is a fresh start. I say Goodbye to the past, and I say Hello to the future. Today, here I’m going to start my new chapter of my life. Everybody is not trash, everybody is not good for nothing, and since you are here, on the earth, that’s why you can do something. So don’t be shy to show off yourself. Everybody has his own unique skill, and you may not know what you can do, in any case, why not try?

Do you have any plans for your future? Whether you have or not, look, this is mine.

1. I will go to find a part-time job so I may earn my keep and pay for my education, in 2008. It feels like a sin to use my old sister’s money when you have been an adult.

2. I greatly hope I can speak a good American English before 2009. I assure myself that I’ll do my best to listen to VOA, to read VOA as the hosts do everyday as usual, and communicate with foreigners, as well as update my blog. Maybe I’ll start a Spanish blog this year.

3. In 2010, I have great expectations for this year. I’ve got to speak a good Spanish and get my master’s degree on economics before 2011. I hope I can get a good grade on my subject.

4. After I graduate from my school, I’ll find an overseas job. If I could, I would spend my first year’s wages buying a house to my mother. Two or three years later, I’ll repay my old sister for her support, and open a shop for my younger sister. It’s so good to have a big, happy, harmonious family.

5. I’ll quit my job after five years, then start my own business with all my money and buy my dream nice little car. Besides, if I could, I would donate some money to the poor children who can’t afford their education. China needs them, only they are strong, the country will be hopeful and strong. I wish every child could go to school, that is a place where not only makes you have dreams, but also make you full of desire and passion to chase after your aims.

It looks simple and easy, actually it’s difficult to go through all the obstacles, I know, in the road before that. That’s just the life I want. Every dream is look like a bottle, yet I’ll break them one by one. Somehow, I’ve said that before, why not try?!

Wait a minute, one thing I forgot to mention, I’ve been dreaming of a girl who I don’t know what she look like. One thing for sure is that she may be not pretty, but she must be having charming smile, so beautiful smile on the face from her warm heart.

Of course, here I wish eveybody good luck in 2008.