God, I'm Afraid

God, I’m Afraid

I’ve been ready more than half a year for going abroad to study further for a master in Spanish or Economics. Truth to tell, I’m a common person born to a common family. You see I have no more choices to make better trip overseas. Mr. Money is not good enough to me. He just gives me bread and milk, but never gives me a milch cow. Maybe I’m not good yet at milking.

But, God, I’ve applied for admission two times into an overseas university. Although I once had great expectation, there is no hope for the first country in Central America for policy-changing. My first choice was dead; the road was blocked on November, 2007 after waiting three months. It was dead and I could do nothing but feel pain.

Now I’m expecting the visa from the second nation in daytime. My splendid sun, you are shining on me, you know what I’m thinking. When you are gone, darkness comes, I’m dreaming of it coming to me at night. My tender moon, the night sky is spangled with stars over my head. You know what I’m dreaming of. Four months have elapsed, and no news yet. I’m fearful that this time would be going to eat dust, in that case, I will have to say goodbye to South America.

I’m anxious, worried and troubled each day. I’m waiting uneasily for the moment. But I’m not sure if the failure is on its way to come. If that would be my fate, I’ll make my final decision to go to one of countries in Asia. I don’t believe in God, but now I pray to God for help. I hope the first step of my dream will come to truth. I once was trained for nothing, and now I don’t wanna be good for nothing. I don’t wanna do it by half. I don’t wanna be despised. Yet, God, I’m afraid, I’m really afraid…Nothing can produce calmer, clearer more comfortable thinking for me now.