Confidence is the first step to success
Why some people like dangarous sports and activities?
2008-02-22 18:53:33
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Monica1981
发布于2008-02-27 08:24:14
- I will do the article you want in a minute...just came back from Christchurch and let me have a rest first!
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Monica1981
发布于2008-02-22 22:27:17
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Okay, this one...
You have good points...
But a few mistakes...
Why some people are fascinated with dangerous sports and activities is an intriguing problem.
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Why is that a problem????
Maybe you mean it is intriguing to discuss why people love to engage themselves in dangerous sports and activities....
Now I will describe them in details.
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no need to say this! because you are writing an essay not a presentation!
In the second place, as no doubt, some people who suppose that money is unnecessary for them. This kind of people participate some dangerous sports for pleasure.
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Secondly, some people participate in dangerous sports and activities more for pleasure rather than money...
(golden rule, you never use two sentences to describe sth which can be totally done clearly in one sentence, babe)
Regarding your second point (pleasure), you didn't give enough evidence....you focus on how dangerous the sport is on TV, which is not appropriate to explain why they do that for pleasure not for money...you should use examples instead of just explaining...such as Richard Brason (He is posibly the richest person in the media industry...so he has shit loads of money - don't use these words in your exam...but Richard Branson has been involved in a number of world record-breaking attempts since 1985, when in the spirit of the Blue Riband he attempted to cross the Atlantic Ocean in the fastest recorded time....therefore, his case proved that people who has money also love dangerous sports and they are definitely after pleasure and self-achievement...)
exploration...you can give examples such as Steve Irwin who is well-known as "The Crocodile Hunter"..and he died while he was doing a research in a forest (eaten by the Crocodile - I think he is a jerk...)...
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In a word, English writing is not only about perfect grammer, spelling or even your opinions....it also about a test of your knowledge...teachers want to know whether this student is widely read and know sth about the world!!!
So Babe, you need to go to google.com everyday and read news from all over the world, Okay? You need to have more knowledge and can give examples to support your argument!
This is very important...
