The diaries for myself,who is a small woman with many small secrets and a big-heart.

我的最新日志

  • No thinking.

    2008-10-01

    I used to have my own opinions,but now I feel no thinking in mind since moving the new house.Of course,different living place,different house make me form a kind of different living habits.Now,I never get up late every day,I always feel there are so many things to do and all of them are my favoured things.And I don't like to think too much or think of those previous opinions in my mind.The quiet place really takes me into a peace and quiet space.However,the housework indeed makes me feel tired that is because I can't suffer all mess.It's the third day to have National holiday,these three days,do housework,go shopping and serve for my son so busy that I have no time to have a rest.Soon,I will go to sleep...

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  • This wedding unniversary

    2008-9-24

    The rain has lasted for two days,the weather is really cool now.Every day,after my work in the afternoon,I will go to my son's grandma's to fetch him.He always finishes his class earlier than me,so I have hardly chances to fetch him from school.Yesterday,his homework was much more than usual,it took him a long time to finish them and I took him home.When the door was opened by my husband inside,he looked very happy and asked me the reason why we were so late to get home.I found there were lots of dishes prepared on the table.Of course,my son was always the most excited one of our three when he saw these.

    My husband asked me whether I remembered what special day it was.I hesited for a moment and said lowly:Is it 1025?(the date of our first meet),no,it hasn't yet.OH.I said:It must be our wedding unniversary.My husband smiled and asked me:"Not really,How can you forget this most important day?""Oh,sorry,I am always used to forgetting the date,even our son's birthday."I said with smiles."Never mind,look at here..."Oh,very beautiful roses in front of me.I was so happy at that time,he kissed my cheek.My son appeared very excited,too.Yeah,We haven't been like this for a long time since buying the new house.

    In fact,the dishes he cooked yesterday was not to my liking,but the asmosphere of our staying together was nice and was in a big happiness.My son was growing up so quickly and he could take photos of us yesterday.

    Thank my husband for giving me a warm family.

    Hehe,but just now my husband told me that yesterday was not the date of our wedding unniversary,the day before yesterday was!So interesting,he thought yesterday was September 22nd.He laughed hahahaha again.

     

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  • Making dumpings

    2008-9-21

    Today is Sunday.After physical examination in the early morning,I rade back home and thought about what I should cook at noon for my son.My son doesn't always like vegetables,but eating more vegetables is good for him.At last,I decided to make dumpings for him,of course,he was also very happy after my words.I ride out to buy meat and some other things.I was very carefully while making stuffings so that my son would like it and eat more.After all things were ready.I found my son's hair is too long,then I found out the cutting tools to have him a haircut.Soon,a handsome boy was in front of me.I felt very happy.

    After cutting hair,I began to make dumpings,my son was beside me playing pastes.While playing,he was saying:"Wow,so delicous!I can't wait to eat the stuffings."Hehe,even when I tasted its salinity,he was tasting,too.So lovely,small but kneed eyes,big and snubby mouth.

    20 minutes steaming finished,I served up many hot dumpings,my son smiled and ate them happily one after another until his stomach was full.

    In fact,I think cooking is boring,dirty and tiring thing,and I didn't like cooking before,But now,my son makes me a little interested in cooking,because I have different feeling  while I cooking for him.I hope that I would fall for it and my son understand my love for him.

    Originally,we will feel the life much nicer because of only one affectionate person.While everthing would also be more interesting because of only his liking.

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  • Being poisoned is anywhere.

    2008-9-19

    Venenous milk affairs warned everyone in China lead to people's fears.So many babies' and children's parents are now in terrible worries or even in the hospital.Yesterday,I asked my son's grandmother what brand milk has my son kept driking during his baby's period,because the milk my son has drunk was provided by his grandmother.Luckily,not the serious unqualified ones,which made me set my mind at rest now.

    This morning,lots of teacher talked about the food we ate every day.Because some teachers are from small villages,they know a lot about how the vegetable grows up and how the truck farmers obtain better benefit.We all know that most of vegetables need farm chemicals while growing,so we all advise to puffed and wash them more times before eating them.In my mind,farmers will spray farm chemical on the bodies of plants,then I said:" Then eating potatoes should be safe,because they are always under the ground,have no use for chemical.""Haha,"just after my sentence,another teacher said:"No,you are wrong,just the begining of planting them,farmers will put chemical which is toxicer into the earth with the seeds together for avoiding the worms.Otherwise,the potatoes with small and big holes,Will there be anyone like to buy them?"Oh,even if flour is also added bleaching powder.Tomatoes will be smeared chemical in order to make them turn red or redder quickily.And the fruits need more chemicals.That teacher advised us to choose those with ugly outward appearance,because most of those nice and clean appearance are caused by chemical.Yeah,I believe those,for example,the cucumbers,truck farmers often use the water with chemical in it to water them every day to make them appear greener and straighter.Cabbages can't grow well with too many worms,so every leave needs chemical to form round cabbage,expecially the cauliflowers,they are the same.....

    Most of vegetables can't leave farm chemicals,the air we are breathing are almost polluted,There are many addtives in any kind of non-staple food,we are drinking the polluted water.This is just our living environment,if the development of a country is regardless of people's health,could it be considered to be a real development?

    Maybe learning to have a life of simplicity is better,those new clothes,beautiful house decorations with formaldehyde ,those delicious food,such as prawns,crabs are fed with chemical.....yeah,I can't go on talking about these,otherwise we can't go on living or living happily.

    But sometimes,it's time to change our some notions,not all beautiful things are really good for us! 

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  • A Teacher's Day again.

    2008-9-10

    Having half a day off is always a gift from school leaders.Just woke up from a muddleheaded state and feel better.I will go to fetch my son soon and go shopping with him together.The students we face at this time of each year are all new,so we hardly get any greetings from them.Maybe for teachers,greetings and wishes are reducing each year,less and less people and students can remember and attach importance to this festival.I just received a very small photo of our monitor,on the back is some wish words.My husband advised me to buy a new dress to celebrate,yeah,he is always so considerate!

    Yesterday,I met him on line.He told me his son was born,which made him tired day and night.His image is so perfect formed in my mind,keeping in touch for two years makes me have some psychic dependence on him.It's no doubt that I will be excited as soon as seeing any of his messages.His appear can always change my mood,thank him.Now,he is here,but no reply,maybe he is in busyness.

    In teaching,I feel I have no enough passion as before.A little tiredness in heart and even don't want to put too much work into it,which is my fault.I should overcome all my shortcomings of present.Being a teacher is always one of my interest,yeah,remember it in heart..

     

     

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  • Living just for living?

    2008-9-09

    Mind-set never go back to the beginning-point.Listening to the same music,but different feeling and touch to me.Now,I can't hold any roots of happiness with all my strength,only an empty heart left to me.I want to cry but no tears at all,and being full of sense of quilt in mind.Is it incorrect to sell and buy house?I am so afraid in heart,just want to in pursuit of nicer thing and life,but it's my fault that I have no thorough thinking,so careless.

    I can't get my mood under my thumb,which always makes me headache.I am in a such loss every day,being a teacher,my son,my family and get more sleep sometimes are my happiness before,but now,I don't want to do anything,however,being afraid of sleeping a little,plenty of sleep would send me some nightmares at night.

    What's wrong with me?how can I get everything better?

    What is living for?I am so upset.The most terrible thing is no way to find joyfulness in life.If you are happy each day now,no matter you are poor or lack of many things,try to keep the feeling of happiness.Seeking happiness is so hard for us once we have lost them.If you want to persuit something,you should be clear whether you would happier after having them.When you choose something,you must ask yourself whether you like or not.It's time to go...

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  • Top busyness.

    2008-9-05

    As the new term's coming,my son is also starting his school life,which is my pride as a mother.However,my son is prone to minor ailments,which always makes me in a bad and worried mood.In fact,now I am not very happy because of my son's sore throat.My son --nothing on earth can compare with him in my mind,watching him is just a kind of happiness for me.I am not that previous me,who has changed completely,a real mother not only from the teeth outwards,but also in the deep heart.

    Maybe a child's start of his school life is his parents'busy days' beginning.Five thirty to get up,cook breakfast and get every school things ready and hurry to send him to school.Luckily,my husband can give me a big hand.But I still have no time to watch TV or keep my diary.However, the feeling of thinking of my son these days is no way to express.Happiness,worries and eager to see him.

    To be a mainteacher again,I should try my best to do everything well in the class.There are so many tiny things waiting for me to do and manage in person.Luckily,the weather is getting cooler and cooler.Hehe,I have just remembered their names and can distinguish their lookings.I try to make the classroom greener to give them a better environment of studying.But today that some students didn't hand in their homework made me a little angry, which made me waste some time in class and didn't complete my task of this lesson.

    But above all,I just hope my son can be happier and healthier to go to school,which is my joyfulness as well.

     

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  • To be a main teacher again.

    2008-8-28

    Two days ago,I was notified to be a main teacher at the same Grade as before.I was astonished at the moment of hearing this news,I have stopped my affair of being a main teacher for two years,how could they dream of me?Maybe they think my rest is enough by this time.

    From heart,I am very afraid of being a main teacher-to criticize,shout,be serious every day inevitably,to think too much at night or in the dream.I hate those extremely.I only want to have some spare time during work time to read some my favourite books quietly,this dream which I maybe can't keep in my heart again.No way but to face all boring affairs from tomorrow.Yeah,tomorrow is the time to pull grass in the playground,burning sun and mosquitos are really terrible.

    I don't know why I can't find my passion back like two years before.I always have nothing to do with all honors at being a main teacher or my class.In fact,I don't care about those at all,I just want to manage my class hard and will be approved by my students.But sometimes many things won't follow my heart.Paying out too much, being disappoint too much,although during teaching,I like them very much.Being a teacher,there are much more disappointment than relief,only if paying no loving heart.Maybe I charge too few skills of being a main teacher,I have been only too good to them.There's no plan at all in my mind how to deal with those new faces from tomorrow.

    But I know I would work harder than these two years,however,the dream of being fatter is maybe flying into sky again and disppears.

    Come on to myself.For future richer days,maybe it's good for me to forget or no time to think of passing bad things. 

     

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  • sunshine mood

    2008-8-17

    Be older,then know more,actually not age itself,but experience.Usually,suffering and throwback would make person brush brains.They could classify the aims of life once more,maybe abandon more things and to treasure more simple and common things.That is free from anxiety and steady.The biggest happiness is no less than quietude in heart of ours.

    Although I know every passion in the eary age will lower to quietude as time flying,maybe I am in such early time.Many habits of mine are disappearing and new alttitude for life are producing.Sometimes I wanted to be as bad person who are always in sunshine,to reduce the feeling of self-abuse,or to try and get out of recalling pains,but it's too hard for me.Yeah,some things are easy to say,but hard to do them.Now,I just eager to live sillily and happily,I found it was not a good thing to outguess too much in life.Now I just want quietude,everything quiet.I like a simple,clean and quiet heart.

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  • Relaxing but blue holiday.

    2008-8-11

    People always think too much during relaxing time.Sometimes I can't control my bad mood these days,however disliked to do anything because of hot days.I can't be back to the state of compeletely happy,even if it was ever with a bit blue.Now I feel blue is turning into gray.Sometimes I think I am possessing all things,but sometimes I find I am lack of so much-confidence,upward mobility and the passion and interests of doing things.

    Sometimes I wonder whether it is better or not to have too much conscience.A kind-heart person with much conscience is certain to be good for others around,but it's too bad for himself.He would be sad,worried,tired from heart and self-condemned too much on the life way.He would care about others' feeling more than himself,and harder than others to cast aside all pains to have a nice and happy life and be sure to experience too much feeling of saline.So selfishness is not a bad thing.

    Take a deep breath,all of the saline things would be gone,it's only the matter of time.But how can I believe this sentence?Why would I feel more afflictive while thinking of my father?I am so afraid of thinking of those things.Yeah,to do some more other things or waiting for the work days' coming.I would be better from then.

    A person who always had no worries before is changing into a worrier with sores.Time can water down all,I am waiting...

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  • So easy to drop tears for lovers in the film

    2008-8-07

    In my mind,blood is the most veritable emotion,while love is the nicest thing on earth.I prefer to watch love plays and films.Through them,I can also sense the happiness and pains from the true love.I have wanted to try to rivet my attention on my emotion at my young age,but I couldn't.I was so pessimistic because of my complicated family.It couldn't be discribed,sometimes in a big confidence,but sometimes in gray mood.

    So when I chose my love and who should be my marriage partner before marriage ,I was so confused because of those about how to choose, who I love or who loves me?I was very passive to choose who loves me at last.Of course,different characters of people would get different choices.

    Yesterday,I watched a Korean play called Wedding Ceremony,although it is not so true to life,too dramatic,I was always moved to tears because of dramatis personaes.Their performance is so lively and the love showed so real.I felt headache because of long time's watching on the internet,so I didn't finish watching all contents,but I would make up later.It's like another Korean play called Crown Prince's First Love.I like them both and the clinging love.If Compared with the loves in real life,one is a nice dream,the other is just like a dumb well.Even so,ask ourselves,can we have so much courage?No......If we have the same courage as the person who are in love in the film,we won't be moved any more because of those plays.

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  • The feeling of enjoyments and success from simple small things

    2008-7-31

    Yeah,it's the result of my work.Watching these lovely small cucumbers,I am always fall into the feeling of success.Originally,tiny successes can give us lots of enjoyments as well as big ones.Although they won't make us so excited as the big ones will do.Oppositely,they can enrich our life and never put us into a terrible bottomless pit even if we meet small failures.Moreover,a big success will lie in many small ones.We will always possess much more small ones than big ones.It's so hard to taste the feeling of success from a big one,why don't we try to find those quiet and small contentments.

    Now I have no big dreams,just some small ones.Maybe that is because of my age,that all the things around me are peaceful and tranquil is just my dream,more than all,a quiet heart of mine.Those worldly things have been outguessed by me so clearly,however,all of the people are still acting the different roles at different occasions.I am also doing so,too,merely,my acting isn't so good as others'.

    Someone has said:there are two worlds in a child's heart,one is adults' world,the other is partners' world.They will regard the latter as the more important one,they can freely communicate with their friends,they can also be understood by them to get much contentments at mental.How many worlds will adaults have?One is work,the other is family?Yeah,two as well.But only charging both of them well,we can live well,if not,we can't be in a real happiness,also,we can't take a form of escapism.

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  • Don't learn from me,hehe.

    2008-7-30

    Just now,I saw lots of bad comments left by one person in my blog for criticizing my bad English.Sorry for having deleted them because they would effect my good mood.Yeah,indeed I know my English level isn't high enough,so practise here and hope to improve inch by inch and remember more new words.But my main aim to writing here is just to record my things and some thoughts at each step in life,just like my sighnature here:my diary to myself.They would bring me lots of enjoyments and nice memories.Even if something pain recorded here,they also leave some caution to me in later days.

    Thank that man who criticized me,in fact,I have realized my poor English.If you had given me only one piece of bad comment,the rest were all corrected ones.I think I would be more grateful to you.

    Originally,I shouldn't have released my diaries on line, but doing this can improve my interests on writing to write more careful and careful.Therefrom I have been in a state of cheeriness while writing or recalling them,I need good mood very much these two years.I won't give up any chance to get more cheerful.

    So don't learn my way of expressing English,don't learn from me.

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  • Great lectures

    2008-7-27

    Too many complicated things and feelings for common people can't be understood and explained.However,the lectures I attended a few days ago really made me suddenly see the light.Originally,our life can't be apart from mental health.I have never learned about psychology.Now I realised the serious problem among most of the people is mental problem and all the things or problems are relation to it.Four excellent professors gave us four days' lectures,I think most of the teacher thought them useful and attractive,so absence didn't become a problem.

    Yeah,mental health directly effect our body health,only we have a healthy mental,we can have a real health body.Of course,the unhealth from our mental would due to many kinds of diseases in body,lots of people haven't realized these,just to do sports and eat more healthy food and so on for health.

    The three most serious diseases before were pneumonia,cerebritis and tuberculosis.But nowadays,they have changed to those three ones:the diseases of heart and brain,cancer.Why would more and more people die from these illness?Yeah,bad temper and mind-set are easy to cause the disease of heart and brain.And long time's sadness or blue woule cause cancer.Yeah,they are quite right.

    I think,I thank them these teachers very much for their remindings.I will live more and more relaxed and happier and happier.

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  • Bosom friend

    2008-7-22

    Many people have ever told me they want a real bosom friend,I think the same,too.Nice life would be more meanful due to a pure friendship.

    But to be distressful,the feeling between friends would be changed because of the distance of getting on.It is certain it's hard to find a bosom friend in real life,and harder to do in a visional world.In common life.We need good faith to deal with others,while we needn't any sincere to get in return from others.In life,we often do things very carefully to please others or leave a good pression to others. Some people only want to have a best friend to comfort each others when they are in pains.Making other superficial friends is just for fun and a good mood in a nice interpersonal relationship.Yeah,a person can't tell his pains to too many people,or he would be hurt one day.So the only person who can tell his trouble and enjoyments to you is so rare,and you would exchange yours, too, to sublumate your friendship.

    But can we confide our anything inward world to the other side?The answer is "We won't and wouldn't like to do that."Everyone will has his or her rest self-hide secrets and never tell others,even all his life.So we needn't feel ashamed while the other side tells you so much more than you have told him.On the other hand,after we confide anything of ours,what will the result of friendship be?Will it be the nicest and eternal emotion?The answer is "no",too.

    Keeping our distance is the best for our friendship,not only the distance of our body,but also our psychologic.We can't put the friendship between us to the top,or feeling landslide is bitter.

    So bosom friend is so untouble,it would change following the distance between us,the time of both getting on and the change of external environment.It always exists in a very short time and in a quite far space.Just like love,very short and precious.So we should hold such a mind-set:As long as experienced,it is enough.

    In fact,lots of nice emotion on earth is so except blood relation.

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  • This special year.

    2008-7-20

    Strange to say,this year is so important year for some people,even it may be their turning point of life.Of course,it is also our China's most twinkling time in about 20 days.

    My paternal sister has already found a quite steady job in Tianjin,and ended two years of vagranting in Beijing.Of course,the next main thing is to find a suitable man to marry and love each other.It's certain, no those years' experience,then no this job and a good job predict a good future.I always keep beliving the end of predicament is better time,so I always use those words to encourage her to spend the hard time.To be ashamed,I have nothing to help her but some sentences.

    Today,I eventually received a message from him on line,to be frank,I'm interested in him very much,even any information from him.He only wrote: My job is steady now and prepare for his baby.These are certainly good news,I am happy for him.And I know maybe it would be very quick to lose him on line,he didn't tell me much about his things.Maybe he has been in marriage,I hope it is a family with most happiness.

    The last one is me,this year I changed my house to have a new start.To the same,we have experienced much pains those years,I hope this year,OG year would change us a lot,to say goodbye to bad luck and hardships,to welcome good starts.

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  • rain town.

    2008-7-15

    Today is the sencond day listening lectures in No.5 Middle School.It rained almost the whole last night.When I woke up this morning,the first thing is to have a look at my plants through the window,they looked so green and grew much bigger.Soon,I was ready to go to class,but when I got on the road,I opened my eyes,I couldn't ride my electric bike at all.So I changed my idea to walk there.After sending my bike back to my home,then I was very happy to get into the cool water which was almost to my knee.All of cars in the water was like autoboats,so funny!It recalled up my childhood,I always like playing in the deep rain with other children.

    The dull lectures were endless,the money malfeasants' lusts are endless.Why are there so many mendacious things,cheating each other.I never believe all those gold bricks,no lectures can give us too much useful things or no tests were formal or strict.So many poor teachers,I found them standing in the hot sun waiting for bus to go back home where is so far from the town.Why can't they get a good rest during the holiday?All ages are among the teachers,young and a part are very old.Does it mean to tell me that teachers earn too much?or teacher are too vacancy?So boring!!!!

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  • narrow-minded man.

    2008-7-13

    Men can be divided into two types:one is open-minded,the other is narrow-minded.But actually no matter which type he is,it's certain that he has his definite nice things.

    The open-minded man can give you a big limit,you feel swimming in the sea or flying in the sky,and you can confide anything to him,he won't angry at you forever,just say :Never mind and nothing.After relaxing so much before him for long time,even you will ignore he is also possible to angry or unhappy.You can say aloud anything you like without thinking about him.Yeah,he never lets you think too much on him or makes you unhappy.He is so lovely and always keeps a smiling face.

    The narrow-minded man is opposite.At the beginning of getting along,you may be careless at speaking and doing with him because you think he is a man who won't care much about tiny things.Yeah,from outside,he is no difference from others.But maybe one day through a tiny thing,you will change your ways of doing things with him,even you will pay more attention to the words you say to him.

    This spring,I began to plant flowers in order to purify the air in the new house.However,I didn't tell my buying house to any colleagues in our office except four good friends,because I hate to send or receive money for exchange.

    Once,I was so excited to find some green flowers outside teaching building.I disbranched one and planed to plant.Going back to office,one manteacher asked me for it,I said"no"with smile and explained how I was hard to get it,because of it,I cut my forehead on muricated flowers.He smiled and walked away,maybe he just wanted to make jokes.Some time later,another manteacher came up to me who is the same age as that teacher asked me for it,too.And I also smiled and refused him.But he didn't know someone had tried to ask me for it and was refused by me.He didn't appear unhappy at that moment, either.But in the later days,I found he was unhappy with me.Oh,little brother he is,so easy to be unhappy,just like a girl.In fact,he has always given me a good pression really,the best pression in all menteachers.

    Since then,I tried to explain to him that I didn't give him that flower because XX had already asked me for it once and was refused by me,XX was just sitting in front of him when he asked for it.If I gave him instead of XX,XX would be hurt.Then he said:"But hurt me."

    In fact,he is very a lovely guy with a short body.Because of his narrow -minded,more lovely he is.He can angry at anytime.yeah, he really looks like a child.Although,at the end of this term,I wanted to send it to him by stealthy,but he refused.Until now,I don't know whether he is still a bit angry with me or not,actually,I really didn't know he would be unhappy.Sorry.

    Hope he won't be unhappy when he recalls this thing.

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  • stay alone

    2008-7-13

    Staying alone is one of my ways of relaxing,think nothing,I like this kind of feeling.Before marriage,I have ever thought of how it would be if I didn't marry all my life,at that time,I couldn't get a certain answer for myself, willing but a bit afraid.

    Now I have my answer now,it's that staying alone just can be the act of ephemeral and can't last long time.After busyness,to relax by staying alone by stealth.Everything is so quite,forget all worries,sometimes I feel it seems to separated from the earthliness.Maybe I am a person who likes tranquility.

    Human-being can't be lonely forever.They need the same type to accompany and confide to each other,or all the thoughts of ours will change,even we ourselves can't realise ourselves one day.In fact,we each person are afraid of lonely so much,and I believe that we will be strong enough in heart if lonely isn't our enemy.Yeah,a man can suffer tiredness,but can't suffer too much lonely.Just as couples around us,most of them build their life on emotional beggar.If you ask them what the love is,I think they can't say out the feeling of love at all,just to say:couple is just to live together, solve problem together and become older and older slowly.

    It's a simple answer,but that is the real life.Maybe it is the real happiness,some people think them boring and no happiness they have got,so then prefer to give up and try others.But looking back,everything has the same rule and discipline,that is to go back placidity.

     

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  • Where is he,mysterious man?

    2008-7-08

    These days I always think of him,where is he and how is he going on these days.He is so mysterious that he could disappear anytime.I need him-such a friend on line so much.Even I tried to send a message to him before,but no reply yet.In my guess,not because he is too busy to answer me,then because he won't attach importance to me-such a visional friend any longer. But I really need a pure-hearted heterosexual to confide and listen to each other on line.It's such simple thoughts in my mind and love nice things in the world so much.Yeah,that's because of me to lose him,however,I have just wanted to keep the friendship pure and longer.Maybe I have been in a wrong thought,but I can't change it yet.I still hope I can get imformation from him one day and wish him all luck.

    He is so strange,his experience,the way of doing things and chatting.The last time of chatting with him,he said there was earthfall to his office,but his office is in Beijing,how could it be?Sometimes it made me woozy and couldn't sure whether his words were all true or not.Don't think too much,nobody only wants to chat with any heterosexual person on line for very long time and do nothing else.That is my reason indeed,but I still worry about him very much and will put him in my heart forever.He is a special person and do a big significance in my heart.

    Today is the end of examination and raining again.I hate raining,but it is good for my planting indeed,thank rain,I have really taken a fancy to it.Experienced too much,I became strong in heart as well as timid,sometimes can't help worrying something.Try to loose my heart-set.Happiness belongs to me,it is also so hard to get and be held.God and father,thank you both,bless me please!I am strong outside,but very weak at heart.

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