Totally Mess Up

  Since started my first formal relationship with him, I have always been in totally mess up. I want to be with him all the time, giving up my own pursuit. I think it worthwhile. I can go to stay in any city with him, which make him think I have an air head. I spent every single minute missing him, even stay with him. He said there should not have any distance between us, which make me open my heart to him gradually. When he told me to whenever I feel not glad with him, just speak it out. My mind was full of his kindness. I tried my best to rid the feel of distance between us. And I have almost done. Suddently, he said he felt he have always been taken care of me, which remind me of myself. We are two people, and it's impossible to have no distance.

When I write down all of these, I suddenly realize that I never use love to explain my feeling about him, my happyness and my sadness. why? Don't I love him?

What is sure is that I should not stopping pursuit my dream, my ideal life.

I need to think about it seriously. What happened to me recently?