I felt, so i loved

It remains fresh in my memory that the winter of 1999 was cold, and in this season you walked into my world, broke the peace of my mind, and changed my life completely. It was such a beautiful encounter, romantic, marvelous and, heart-struck as well, that I will always remember.

In the new semester, true to form, I went to school by bike early in the morning. There would be many people on the road already, but on my way I noticed only one girl walking in my direction every day, walking elegantly on the sideway. She was always dressed cool, with a special hairstyle that was very different from the contemporary, and I was deeply impressed. When I past by her, I looked back at her secretly, pretended that I was looking at something else around her. Suddenly I got kind of hectic inside, hands sweating.(afterwards I knew it was a normal response when meeting someone you feel love). I felt she noticed me as well, she must have.

Everything repeated day after day, except for one day, when I felt just uneasy without seeing her on my way to school. I knew that I have fallen in love with her, and I learnt what love is for the first time, completely lost in her.

The spring came, bringing human warm sunshine, magnificent flowers and green, which means hope. She came with the lovely season. As is required in my school, in the final exam students should sit beside those from different grade or class. Unbelievable she was assigned to sit besides me, which I thought was really a gift from god. Thank goodness. I said hello to her, and we knew each other. Hey, girl, your eyes are so bright, your mouth so delicate, your smile so fascinating. It was January 28, 2000. I will never forget that day.

That night I was too excited to fall asleep, my heart was filled with happiness, passion, and dynamism. I wrote a note to express my devotion to her, and the content is as follow:

Dear May,

     It’s really my honor to know you. And I think it’s luck that join us together. And I appreciate it, appreciate your appearance. How much I want to be you good friend, for ever good friend.( now I regret I had said so, and maybe it was destined. We could just be friend.)

                                                                                      Yours, Dan

The following days we continued the rest of the exams. Early in the morning I have been waiting there for her appearance in the classroom, to hand her my scrip. So, there she came, but my mind suddenly went blank, and I hesitated. We had ten minutes before the exam, like other people we were seated face to face, we talked and laughed, as if everything around us was transparent. She told me that she loved cartoon, and was good at drawing. When she talked I looked into her eyes, and saw innocence and purity, which made me think of the lotus out of the water. How I want to tell her that I was falling in love with her, out of control.

That day we had the exam of biology. With the ringing bell ending the exam, I couldn’t help but instinctively hand her my scrip that had been wrinkled, and watered with my sweat. She took it, wordless.

As the exam ended, we had a long long holiday, instead of relaxing or fun, I felt only pain and sick, thinking about her day and night.

On the first day of the next semester, I got a letter delivered by a friend of her, and was told she dropt out of school, and possibly we would never meet again. Fortunately, she gave me her phone number, which seemed like the only clue to her.  

The first month I gave her phone call everyday, the following months, once a week, then, once a month, then never…we got out of touch. Last year, that is 7 years since we last said goodbye, I dialed her number, only to know the phone number is not in use. And if asked why I did so, I don’t know. Time and space is really the killer of friendship and love. But to me, it’s love or just friendship? I don’t know. Days ago, when talking with a teacher, a friend of mine as well, she told me that love is feeling. Admittedly, I felt so I loved.