There will be two important tests in the following month,wich is to be a large extant to decdide my future ,my occupation and my fate.Tese days ,though i study hard ,review my books ,and take a taining for my English,i find i face such a great pressure that my nerve am very tense.many friends called me and said "fighting",meanwhihe,they all consoled me with  same words-"you can do it,i believe in you."Oh,my God.

    maybe i should have a good mood towords everything .it is indeed an art of life .if i had it ,i would cope with each difficult.from now on ,i must adjust my life attitudes.to everything , the process is more important than the results.if only i make efforts to do something ,the process is very attractive even if the results is a failure.

    However,as the saying goes ,where there is a will ,there is a way.I always believe in these words on my way to my growth.

   i have not been  here so long time.my friends ,i miss you much.in these days ,i am busy for preparing the entrence examination for HP.D.i know the exam is very competive .with several powerfull rivals,to me ,it is a giant challenge.i must think highly of it not lightly.maybe the results will not  decide everything,but i hope i pass this exam ,because i have given up some job opportunities for it.

   but these days i find something not well with my body.my lymphonodi cervicales,is swilling but no virous pains.i am doctor,with the medical knowlege ,i guess ,maybe i am caught with a serious desease.worried,terrified,painfull ,these bad moods ,are flowing in my mind and heart.i have not enough courage to go to hospital to check. my guessing ,to a certain degree, is a doctor's diagnosis.if it is right, what should i do .maybe with the improvement of medical technology ,it can be cured at the rate of 80% with a long period of taking medicine.Oh,my god ,i do not want so.Good bless me ,i am healthy with no ill ,no pain .but i can not acept that reality.maybe i am caught with the hypochondria.when i review the textbook ,i believe i catch with the disease that i am reviewing in the book.

   whatever it is ture , i must understand what is the most important thing now to me.the exam is coming nearly. i must reading the books orderly and systematicly,with the previous plan.on the other hand,after the exam ,i must go to hospital as soon as possible. health is the critical thing to my life .keeping the kindness and optimistic attitude, i believe ,everything is good.

Bank card Vip ,association vip ,kinds of member vip are infiltrated in our lives.as if it represents one’s status or position. QQ vip ,do you heared of?

 

Out of my expecction,I was honored with “VIP”member by the host of our specialty QQ group ,I am just firtcomer in the field ,though I am medical master. in the QQ group ,there are lots of expert gathered.i am incentived and encouraged .enven if I do not know what does the QQ vip mean,maybe it is meaningless and just a name as usual member.

  Every night,we discussed medical clinic problems online in the our speciality QQ club.in fact ,we gained lots of knowledge though the way of chating and discussing with together. every doctor of the same specially could seed some clinic and pathologic pictures that we do not meet frequently. yesterday night,when we talked about an old and respectable predecessor in out major field , a youngster doctor said some words that sound not respect the predcessor. coincidencly , a student of the predecessot was in the line club. he was very angry .and he objected the younger with some extrem words,and asked for the culb master to let the younger out of the club. At that time ,many clubers were in favor of him.in fact , a young student  have come to the society for short time .maybe he is just extremely conceited without more thinking when he said the words,and he did not aim at the predcessor just expressing his opinion about the situation. He said sorry,but not usefull,most of them did not forgive him.and then he kept silence.and at last left the club .in fact ,I think he was active and liked to express his view. His academic level is good.he must be good medical worker with great passion though his words.with intense emotion ,coming the club to study,but he maybe find that he is not welcome here.perhaps he confronted with a mind attack .thinking this ,I sympathized with him. Sea accept hundreds rivers.we should tolerate others,giving him one more chance to say sorry.

     The year of 2007 have been past., 2008 is following.in these days of seeing good-bay to the past and desiring for the new year,I am praying with great sincerity .firstly ,I really hope to finding a saticfatory job as a doctor in hospital and passing the entrance examination of doctor degree. second, I wish my familly  ,my friends and everyone around me is very well,keeping healthy . thirdly ,I am looking forward to my elder brother’s cause and my boyfriend’s occupation becoming better and better. And everything about my younger brother get well .

   In the last year ,I experienced too many things,full of upset ,anxiety,disappointment,vast and hazy.i told myself many times,I must be firm and optimistic faceing with everything.yeah,I tried to be that.but I still missed some good chances. Maybe because of my immature,I did not know how to gasp and discriminate something.and did not place myself in a proper position.

    I hope to have a good luck through my efforts in the new year .fighting!!!

 

Hearing some information about you

I decide

give up searching your shadow

three years

not so long and so short yet

I need to adjust my emotion

Collect and save some memories in one place that other people can not touch.

I know

You had concealed me for a long time,leaving for a beautiful city and married a pretty girl and having a loving baby.

Why let me know these .

Maybe loving and leaving you

It is my greatest sigh and regret

Maybe loving me

It is your most annoyance and sigh too

I will disappear in the crowd.

There is no news about me

You can not find me again.

If one day ,we meet together in a corner of street

Handing our babies respectively or our lover each.

What is emotional expression in our face

 

Today ,In the morning ,I received a call from my familly.to save money ,I always hang on the telephone and call back at once. however ,when I call my familly’s back today,the telephone was busy . a bad presentiment was emerged in my mind. after several minutes ,finally,the phone was put through .my sister- in-law told me that she received a call from a man saying a road accident happened to my brother. he said that he is a policeman and has sent my brother to the local hospital to rescure. he asked for us arriving at the hospital in 30 minutes.oh my god.it must take 2 hours for us to the place by plane. i made a call back to him .he said my brother ‘ hurt was so serious that he must be done operation immediately. and he demaned us to deposit a sum of money in the 10minutes. The words was doubtful.but I afraid that it was true.even I was ready for go to bank and deposit to him.i tried to contact my brother ,but his mobile phone was turned off. and than all of my familly member searched for my brother ‘s work office telephone number on the line and inquired for the 114 sever..but we failed.the man was too eager to call us frequently about per less than one minutes and said some words that the case was so urgent and my brother was in the danger.we called my brother ‘s head copany office .and the hospital the man memtioned. they said “do bot believe in the man ,it is just a trickery.”however ,we have not any other ways to get in touch with my borther.we were still anxious about how safe he was.

About more than one hour, when we are so worried about my brother and were ready for calling the local police station . he called us.he was on the duty .the electricity of his mobile phone run out. And when he tuned on the phone ,at that moment ,we felt relax and happy.he is safe ,it is just a trickery. the trickster did not succeed.

 Remember when I was a child ,my two brothers and I always closed our eyes ,making  wishes with great sincerity when the toll of a bell on the new’s eve knocked.``wish is just hidden in the heart deeply ,can not be spoke out .otherwise it will not come true ``.mummy got used to telling us .we believed it as the truth.and never told others what our wishes were.in fact ,some wishes came ture,but most of them did not.

  I do not know when and why we accept the foreign festival –christmas day.maybe since I come to the city ,so called large city , being on the drift like most people ,maybe the phenomenon just means the westen culture is so puplar,maybe we are immersed in the businessman’s consumption trap.maybe we enjoy the crasy after long time’s quiet.

however whatever the reason is ,I always look forward to a small gift on the festival. I expect the gift is special and made by some idea.yesterday,my colleagues and I made a free talk in the office ,I spoke out my wish ,though I still remember my mummy ‘s words .``I give you a sugar ``miss liu said ,my lovely colleagre.``and put it in the stockings”,my other colleague said additionly with humor. last night ,with coincidence ,I attened H’classmates party to welcome one of his classmates coming bake from America and received a gift from the classmate.i am so happy to receive the gift with exquisite package.

Hehe ,maybe for our wishes ,speaking out is much better.

Tonight ,I turned on the TV,and choose the channel at random.suddenly,a dialog between two womem in the screen attracted me ,the youger asked the old.``if give you a chance again to love,you will want to which kinds of love.``the problem I have not thought over before.and there have been no people who ever asked me the same problem.maybe it is more meaningful to married one . they have more sigh with emotion after experience lots of trivial matter in the marriage life.

however you married or not ,Please ask yourself in heart now.`` if give you a chance again to love,you will want to which kinds of love.`` maybe someone see your last lover `s weakness,and want to choose someone whose character is opposite to the last. maybe someone love the last one deeply and still look forward to find the same style as his or her. Maybe someone have fallen in love with someone silently at present, she describe the character she is fond of ,it must match the one’ she is loving.  What kinds of you?

Yesterday,general manager took me to his office.and talked about my work how does going on .i said,``good,it seems that everything goes well ,and I become more and more familiar with my job ,my company.working in the company ,I feel busy but satisfied than in the hospital.”and he ask me “do you have some difficulties in you work and life?”`` so far ,there is not ``,I answered.yeah,as a newcomer,how can I demand more ,there is the only thing important that I must demand myself to work hard. And then ,he give me a lot of new works to do .i accept them joyfully.in fact ,when I do everything ,I get related knowledge about it ,so the more work I do ,the more knowledge I gain. maybe sometimes I feel tired ,it does’t matter. after all ,I am young.

I have to make a plan for my occupation.sometimes I think perhaps my present job is not my lifetime work. though the company is joint-stock company.and its administration is rugular and standard,I think I must do a position fixing for my occpution.remembering when I take the interview in the company,the genenal manager asked me the question ,at that time ,I told him I would take an entrance exam to the docoter degree in the following two years.however ,as the time passing ,the wish dies away gradually.i do not know why.maybe there is not enough time for me to study.i think it is just an excuse.it is not real .as the old saying,``time is come from saving and striving.``today ,my classmates called me,asked ,``you should visit the advisor who you want to be as my docoter advisor’’.she said,``when the advisor read your resume ,he seems satisfied with you.’’thanks for my classmate ` kindness and enthusiasm. “Fighting ``tell meself.

     since entering into society,i have found ,there are many many things i have to study.especially ,the interpersonal.in the workplace ,there are kinds of people ,defferent character.sometime,when i am  insufficient about something or someone.i always point out straightly.as a newcomer in the company,something ,something work i could not do it ,and then certainly,it needs several department's coordination and support.however,some department's colleague looks like so reluctant.what can i do ?yeah,i could not keep silent.but ,maybe the only thing i can do is keeping silent.no ,today ,i meet a colleague who did not look like kindly .i am angry .however,i tell myself,people in the workplace could not be too impulsive.maybe i must learn to adapt to the society.

  

       She is just a feeble girl.do not  scold and blame her.she make a test on the internet.if she fell in love with someone and he do not leave her,she will not leave him forever.yeah,she is .the answer of the test is correct.she ever spoke the same words to her friend. however,her heart is too weak and feeble to fragile and crumbly.if she turn round,it is diffcult to turn back.maybe forever.maybe till one day she meet someone love her deeply,she will marry him soon.bless them ,ok?

  my mother was born in a good background familly,but married my poor father after 8 years 'amor.in my eyes,my mother is the greatest mother in the word.she is so much agreeable ,kind and considerate.she never mind sothing got and lost.facing my irritable father ,usually she just smile and pusuade him.she seldom let me and my brothers do housework ,and prefer to do it more by herself. seeing the poor around us ,she usually do her best to help them ,though my familly is not rich.

   i remember when i leaved home for school everytime,my mother  used to give me much extra pin money quietly without my father's consent .in fact ,my familly 's revenue and expenditure are controlled by my father.after paying the trition of us three,there is little money left.so my father gave us little pin money.after more than 20 years 's campus lafe ,i went to work ,everytime when i call my mother ,she tell me repeatedly ,"something in society are difetent from in school. you must continue to study hard .and do not afraid hardship and painstaking."

  now ,my mother alone look after my eld brother's two children in the home .one is going to primary school, and need my mother'acompany with him when he go to school and after school. However the orther is only less two years old.so my mother hold her in the arms when acompany the other to school.i heared of that she was neally Stumbling several days ago and her leg was injured.when i called her today ,she said she was healed,but i know her injured leg nearlly can move .she made alie to me ,avioding my worry.

    i had haven bad appetite for a long time,sometimes even i was worried about my health.however ,these days ,my appetite become better and better.at noon,it is time to have lunch.it seems that i am so eager to go to refectory of company.every dishe smells delicious.on the afternoon,being off my dutyand comingback home,the first thing i do is haveing snacks.hehe,maybe it is a good phenomenon.

       when i graduated and entered into society ,i find it is still unfair to us female in modern society.when i searched jobs,i was refused several times by several enterprises because i am female.now ,even the phenomenon take place in the university.many advisors of master and doctor want to accept boys not girls.

       the equality between male and famale ,whatever westen democracy or easten civilization,however different the social system is ,and how  resonant of the vioce for equality,finally , do not really come ture.at most ,it is improved than before.

        yeah,usually,every famale have to marry and be pregnant ,and then take more time to look after baby.it is the reason that famale are great.and we take more payment and even that to say ,we are painstaking. if the day come to me ,my boss will keep my position .i am worried .maybe it results in nagative effect on her work and accupation.However,we needs forgiving and comprehending from society.besides familly,we needs more chances to work and study .

       

these days ,i like listening the song <<prehaps love>>

i love the words and  the melody

perhaps love is like the resting place

a shelter from the storm

it exists to give you comfort

it is there to keep you warm

and in those times of trouble

when you are most alone

the memory of love will bring you home

....

and some say love ia holding on

and some say letting go

and some say love is everything

and some say they don't know

.....

 

maybe love is  vast and hazy to me .

what is holding on ?

when do letting go?

 

 

 

Some encouraging words

It have been already two weeks since I worked in the company , in fact ,I always want to tell my advisor about my present work.but I did not .i think it is not late to do it when my work become stabilized and I work smoothly. today, when I took bus to come back home after work, I sent out a message to my advisor. i said I am interested in my new work.and I feel good. my advisor replied to me.”start learning again ,learning from the origion,do not give up ”,yeah, after all ,my work now do not match my major completely. if I go on working in hospital as a doctor ,I could do everything smoothly. remember one of my roommates called me several days ago, knowing I am not working in hospital,she said “it is a great pity to you been not a doctor.”,most of my classmates think so. because my every subject in university is very good. that to say ,I studied hard in the past and master the more profound medical theory. but now I have no proper place to put it in practice. maybe it is a pity. making the choice ,to me, it is not easy. full of conflict ,full of pain. otherwise ,now that I have already made the choice and started to engaging in new job. I must do it seriously. So receiving the words from my advisor,I feel so moved. Thank you my advisor for your words.i will do my best and do not let you disappointed.fighting….

Yesterday ,two friends of mine come from GUANGCHOU, they both are very beautiful.one of them married a big company `s chairman of the board .her husband do favor her much, though he is bigger about 10 years than her and they have a lovely daughter. she looks very young not like more than 30 years old. i think maybe only living in a happy family is the best way to keep the youth .the other one have not married. however, now, she have bought two houses ,one is in Guangzhou for herself ,the other is in chengdu for her parents. and she manage a facial store.i think she is successful in such age .in fact ,they both have not the higher educational background.hehe, now,my salary is so lower. you know I just have started to work for several months since I graduated for postgraduate college. waiting for how long time ,I will have one house.

they speaked to me,after comeing back chengdu this time, they known many of their classmates have not good luck as them. some is living in a poor life ,some is living is in a unhappy family.even some is divorced.

      different people have different fate and destiny.

Pay attention to protecting your eyes and neck

  I think many many friends sit in the front of computer everyday to work as well as me,. Do you feel visual capacity become worse and worse? sometimes do you find your eyes are dry? feel aching pain and stiff of your neck strongly?yes ,I really have these symptoms. and I am so worried about. because I am still so young. i do not want to have occupational disease in my age. i believe you have the same opinion as me. we all need and desire to posses healthy body. so ,as a doctor(maybe I could),I warn you to pay attention to your eyes and neck. the advices I give are following:

     If you use computer frequently, you ‘d better to step down the screen of your computer lower 10 to 20 cm than your eyes .it is to reduce the chance raising your eyes. second ,besides letting your eyes move aside from the screen frequently, you should get used to wink to keep your eyes moist. because ,usually, the computer worker, the times of winking is decreased mostly from 22 to 7,it results to the tear fluid on the eyeball`s surface evaporated quickly and aggravate the xeroma(干眼症).the other way is putting a cup of warm watter around the computer to raise the humidity. to your neck, the first ,you have to put the computer in the proper height. second, you surely can not keep the same posture in a long time,and let your neck extend sometimes.

Today is Sunday ,after one week’s hard work, the weekend is always so expected .in the morning ,I am not necessary to get up early. enjoying the lazy and idle morning, watching TV in the bed, I feel so agreeable and contented. And I have made a plan to go shopping and buy a sweater and overcoat , because the fall has come , the weather getting cold .

exercise is my custom in the weekend ,after lunch time ,I went to play badminton and pin-pong with my friends.. and then ,we went to buy clothes. we choose them in the stores one by one ,spending more than five hours from 3 clock at PM to 8 clock in the dusk. And I feel a little aching pain of my two legs and I am very tired . however ,there is no one I think is ok. I tried on several clothes ,but all of them is not fully fit me .dressing them,I always feel something is not right somehow. maybe I can not express the sensation. oh, maybe that to say  looks queer  ,it is exact, right ,queer .i can not understand there is no one among thousands of clothes suit me.i askeding myself in my heart, am I too fastidious? hehe ,maybe ,I am virgo. surely, as we all know ,this kind of constellation is famous for hunting for perfection.but it is not the real reason. i think. maybe it is due to the clothing constructor ‘s concept.,if it is ture ,I think ,there is only one way to solve the problem,I have to design clothing for myself.