One day at home

I hate to be all by myself. Sometimes, I feel lonely as I have learned that no one will understand me in this world including my parents. I do love them deeply and love to express difficulties I have encountered in life to them, but there is something they can’t understand currently and I can’t tell them. Sometimes, I feel like my freedom has been taken away, I can’t do anything I want, such as to find a boyfriend, or keep my relationship with ex-boyfriend. Even when I was running in the garden at night, and one guy walk downstairs to talk to me and ask for my phone number, I feel guilty that I didn’t walk away right away when he get closer to talk to me. I guess no one will understand what I am saying and maybe think I am strange…

No matter what people think, I know I will not be regret as he is my lover and always companies me when I am sad, happy, in fear, losing hope and feel like losing my courage to move on. I guess god may want me to depend on him solely when I have such kind of feeling. I am his beloved one, I know, even though I can’t see him but I can feel him. He gave so much love for everyone, he is my strength, my safe harbor, leading me to the place that I can dance with him, talk to him, walk hand in hand with him, leading me to the place where there is green grass and fountain that I can laid down to relieve and have a rest. So no matter how hard it is, how difficult it will be, I will not walk away, I will not break the promise between god and me. The promise is like the colorful rainbow in the sky, so brilliantly beautiful and gives me lots of hope and happiness. So my dear god, please forgives me, forgive my unwisdom, my indolence, my neglect and so on. Please don’t get upset about me, please don’t turn your face away and please don’t walk out of my life.

I know I was so unhappy today is not about freedom, it is because I didn’t do things I should do today. I should send resume and hunting for jobs today, but I did nothing… I was unhappy since I didn’t abide the words, I should be more active, sometimes, I hate myself I don’t have the passion and I was just too lazy to find a job. And I also hate myself I don’t have the perseverance to learn English, which is really crucial for hunting a job. But I know no matte how struggling I am, I should smile, as you love to see our smiles. So after wiping out the tears, I will move on! The Sun will always come out after the rain then I can see your face behind. So I will fight, I will try, I will keep on moving no matter how difficult, because I am really happy to have you in my life and without you, my life is meaningless. No one, no a man, in this world, can truly love and understand me and give me so much conform like you do, so that’s ok, I will be patient to wait, to wait for the right one you decide to send to me. So before that, I will be prepared.

New Roman">Again, in the end, this is the bread that let me think about our dear god, I call it golden sun bread…maybe the name is not good enough, but the golden color topping and the shape looks like the sun that just like you, give us so much love and warm. Again, I fighted in the kitchen for almost the whole day, I maybe crazy on that Saturday before Sunday service, I do lot of things, including this bread, cream mango pancake, shallot pancake, green bean cake…friends said I am more and more professional in cooking. I am happy to cook, I want to express my love for you through my cooking, and hope that people who eat my food can feel there is lots of vitamin L (love) inside.