I have been in Dezhou for some days. During the days here, I am very busy. When the first day I came here, I went to the class for classes, on that day I had four classes, I was very tired. But it is not the last thing. I teach biolgy in this school which is not my major, my major is English. Since I have not learned biolgy for some years, so I can't teach it at all. Begore I teach my students, I listen to some other teacher's class first.

  What a terrible thing!

      After sometime, I will go to De Zhou for work, where is so far from my home. To be honest, I don't want to go there at all. but I have no choice, I must go there, because I have no job here, I find a job there by myself. There are no person whom I familiar with, I am a little afraid.

   But time goes on everyday......

  The day is nearer and nearer......

         Now, I haven't got any job since I began to find one three months ago. I am depressed badly by the presant condition, sadness, sorrowness filled with me. I don't want to do anything day by day.

        It seemed that it's meaningless living in this world.

       Today  I had the test for English majors, bend 8. When I walked out of the testroom, I am not very good, to say exactly, before the test started, I am not very good.

      I am a person whose psychological quality is very bad. I often complain that and this, when I meet some unfairs and setbacks. I hate to sit at the first place when having test or do some other things, if I find that I am the first person to do this or do that, I will not do it well even I can do it quite well. I  suffer a lot because of this.

     Another problem that anoyed me is that I can't belive myself to do some things well. I am so down, so dispressed.

     Long time since I came here last time, when I saw my blog, I am very depressed. There was no one leaving footprints in my blog. Seeing that there re so may people responding on other people's blogs, I am so depressed.Maybe my writings are so bad, just like Monical's comment. I like English very much and I admit that I learn it not very well. But I will make very effort to learn it, yet sometimes I don't know how to learn it well. Now I will have a test in a few days, but because of my work, I have no other time to review it, if I can't pass bend 8 this time, I won't have any chance, so I decide to make time to learn.

        Today it sonws heavily,so most members in our office don't go home, we have our lunch in our office. After lunch, some of my colleges began to play cards. I don't want to play, so I went out with a college. I usually study, or wash clothes, or read some magzines in the noon. Because my home is far from here, I live in my working place. I don't want to waste time. There are lots of things for me to do, my condition is not the same as them, I don't have provisional work, but they have, I must study to find a formal work.

      It's 1:50, time for work, but they still play cards with no sense to work. This afternoon I have no classes. So I and some other members go to my classes, let those people go on their "work".

     I am very depressed. Some persons who have nothing to do don't go to work, but let some persons who are busy go to work. It's unfire. I am very disappointed about everything in the world.

      However, I can not, I am unable to change all this, I can do only sigh!

      Somestimes I feel that we men live in the world is so difficult. The distance between rich and poor becomes largerer and largerer, the rich becomes richer and richer, the poor, poorer and poorer. There are many unfair things in our country. Many people can't have the ability to undertake the job, or can't do better than other people, but have a very job, because he has money, his father is an high offical; other people, excellent, do the hardest work with a low wage. Things like this can't be counted by digit.

     I do the same job as some persons in my office, even my work is much more than them, but my wage is only 1\5 of theirs. This makes me often lose confidence in doning somethings. There is always a feeling that what I do can't gain acception, but they still let me do that, do this. I can't balance in my heart.

     Yesterday, one of my colleges told her story. She said, her family is very rich, if she wanted something, she could. She didn't suffer anything till now, she lived a happy life from her childhood, her father is so rich. Hearing this, I thought my life.My family is so poor that I suffered a lot when I was very young, but I don't complain my parents, they take good care of me, even though they don't have money, they love me, and I love them. Even today, I can't find good jobs, I think I can't only depend on my parents, I must try my best to do best in everything, so today, even my living condition is low, I make my every effort to overcome it all the same.

    These days, I was busy preparing the programmes that performed at the New Year's day gathering. Now that day is gone, I come back to the daily work. At first, our school's officals said that the purpose we held the New Year's day gathering was to gather togather to have a good time, no matter what your programme was, no matter how you prepared your programme. But the day before the party, we were told that we must perform it to some people first, and when we showed our programme to them, they said that the programme we prepared was not so good at giving people relaxation. So we perpared it form the very beginning.

   I felt very tied. We did so much for the Day, we should spend this day very happily, right? Why I had this felling?

       I love to listen to music, the rythems of songs are so beautiful, so when I listen to these sweet songs, my mood changes with the rythems of the songs. For example, if the rythem of the songs are very beatuiful, my mood is also very good too, but if the rythem of the songs are very sad, so is my mood. Sometimes, when we listen to some songs again, we can rememory what we felt at the time when we first listen to them. If when we listen to these songs, we were very sad, and when we listen to these songs in the future, we still remember the fellings at this time.

    I usually listen to one song for several times, this can last for a long time, so I copy a lot of songs to my MP3. When I am free, or before I fall asleep at night, I usually listen to these songs, sometimes I fell asleep with the beautiful songs, but sometimes, the longer I listen, the harder for me to fall asleep.

   When I am very sad, I usually listen to music myself, it can relax myself.

   Music is very important in my life, it gives me a lot.

     Everytime I cheer up from the solitude and the loss

     everytime I don't cry when I am hurt badly

     because I know I have an invisible wing

    the wing takes me to the beautiful tomorrom, takes me to a place where is full of hope

    I don't think that they own the beautiful son

    because the sun is changing everyday, this time it's sunny, maybe next day it's rainy

   I know I have an invisible sun, it takes me to the sky, gives me hope

   so when we meet trouble, cheer up, don't give up, because we have invisible wings that can help us!