I talked with him last night, about the future, about how to deal with the relatiinship with his parents.He said he never expected I could treat his parents as my own parents, because the different cultures between the urban family and the country family. He said he only hope me to respect his parents, and make them feel warm when they come to our home in the future.

I should feel comfortable?? but you know I couldn't, even that was what I want him to say. I felt I have hurt his parents, and I did something wrong...What did I do? I just followed my heart...I could't get along with his parents well...I couldn't feel comfortable when I see their behaveing.....that's the truth.

A girl, my colleague, she just lost his love, so we will celebrate it together tomorrow evening...I just got her invitation.... I will also tell them my worries, it will be a good time for us...

I planned to marry my bf recently, but I have to commit there are some worries to me .

 

My bf came from  the countryside, so of course has a country parents. I went to his parents’ house several times before, and you know it was just the traditional country house… Everything is not as clean as in the city, his parents were very strange to me….everything is strange to me. There are really some problems made me worried.

1.       They may want to live with us in the future.

Although they didn’t say that clearly to me, I could feel it. My bf always express his parents’ admiration for other relatives who live with their son and son’s wife in big city.

You know the life style are totally different between me and his parents. We will spend money in the weekend for dining outside, travelling nearby, shopping, going to cinema….but their family only spend less than 200 USD every year for living….I couldn’t image what will be their reaction when they saw I bought 3 kinds of perfume once, and each price is more than 100 USD….

 

2.       They want us to have babes soon, as soon as we become married, and only could have son.

Oh shit, they want us to marry soon, as soon as we get married. But we don’t want it at least in 5 years. We have our own career, and work very hard at the moment, and we want to enjoy the life since we have studied and worked for a long time, but his parents want babe….They want only son, no daughter, that’s also the shit traditional thoughts….

 

3.       They want to take care of our kid for us in the future….

Oh my god, it is another terrible idea!!! How can a country grand parents take care of  my kid in the future( if I have one day) !!!! Are they crazy !!! But in their opinion, our kid will be theirs, because of the traditional thoughts. Maybe the kid is also my bf’s ,but of course not mine….because the kid should belong to the man and the man’s family!!!!!

 

Dear friends, I have already be bothered nearly crazy, how can such terrible and funny thoughts come??? How can I accept??  Do you think I am too selfish....

I quit from my ex company since last Auguest, and never contacted with the leaders and managers there since I quit. But recently I got an email from the director, he told me I got the bonus of last year, that about 2000 USD.

Oh I was surprised! As I knoew there was not possible to get the bonus when the staff left, moreover I have left more than 6 months....

I called my ex manager, and talked with her for a while, of course I asked her why I could get the bonus since I have left for a long time.

She told me they were touching when they saw my been responsible for ex job. I handed over all my job to the new one carefully, and even the last day I worked there, I handled everything responsibly myself....

I thanked my ex boss, but I am not sure why it should be compensated, because I did things which I needed to do, I was sad when I left the ex company, because I have already built the good relationship with the colleagues, my vendors... and that was my first job in my life, so had the special feelings...

Anyway, I am happy with my unlooked-for bonus, I will buy myself pretty clothing, a LV bag... :)

 

During the coffee time after lunch, I talked with one of my colleagues, who came from Swiss. It was really interesting to realize how the different it is about the thoughts between Chiense and Swiss.

1. Treatment to parents.

You may used to take it as responsibility to take care of parents when they are going to be old, women also think it is their duty to take care of everything of her husband's parents, should live together, give them money, take care of everything of them.....

But in Swiss, there always are some special place for the old persons. It is hard to understand to live with the old people and take care of them, because that should be done by the special persons in those places...People will go there to see their parents regularly with some presents, it's the same way to treat man's parents and the woman's parents.

2. About marriage.

In China you may think it is misery if someone ever been divorced. It will affect her( or him) for a long time, even forever.  

Situation in Swiss: About 80% people have more than 1 times marriges. They think it is very normal to be divorced, and being divorced will not affect the next marriages' quality.  

 

I heard of something about this new colleague, all from beautiful girls. They talked about him with anger and impatience. He is the recruiter of our company, of course persons who want to enjoin us have to pass the interview with him.

When the beautiful girls joined our company successfully  by passing the interview with him, something will happens with these girls. He will finally expose his salacious nature, will touch these girl by talking about some official matters, say some lewd words sometimes...

Of course I also couldn't avoid being touched firstly when I joined this company, especially when our annual party, I was the hostess (MC) then, I drunk a little during the dining time, he touched my shoulder for quite a long time asked me :are you ok?? I tried to refuse, and replied without emotion: yes, I am fine... Later he standed on the stage, asked me to sing a song with him, I just waved my hands showed I disagreed, then ignored all what happened on the stage....

Maybe I made him not pleased, but I am not fearful. Acutally I regard this job importantly, but I will not ask for staying by selling my feelings, my dignity and my heart...

 

Some Chinese girls like Korean men due to the Korean beautiful dramas, I was the fan of the Korean drama & Korean man also. But please realize the truth, it is not like what they performed in the dramas....Below is the bloody example...

One of my friends fell in love with a Korean man seriously. After dated for a long time, he told her, he had 2 kids and of course in the marriage!! She shouted angrily: why you chased me crazily even you had a wife!! why you cheated me!!! The man answered: oh you never asked me if I had a wife and kids so it was not my fault....I will be divorce, please wait for me...

I guessed my friend must was crazy, she was out of control that moment, she decided to wait for him till he become divorced. Since then, she cried everyday every night, talked about her story to all of her friends and her relatives...But how silly she was, he only loved her body....When he got back to Korea, he never contacted with her....

When they were dating...they slept together...He never agreed to use condom cause he said he not feeling good with it...She always took the medicine to avoid being pregnant. She told me she felt very bad every time she took such medicine....but he never changed in any point is he wants... 

You think it is terrible ?? Oh no it is not finished yet after about 1 year, she built a relathinship with a nice man, and decided to marry him. Someday the Korean man appeared and talked about some words with regrets andf  tears, such as:" you are the most innocent girl I had ever known, and it was the most regret thing that I had left from you; you are everything I need, you are all I love...please give me a chance to cherish you....." such shits!!  My friend refused : I will never believe you, please say to other girls! I will be married,sorry...

Guess what? he cheated her pass word of her msn and email, and talked with her fiance : " she is a bitch...she cheated you...she never love you...she did sex with me everyday " then sent pics of her...some sexy pics they took together before....Her fiance left from her after that....

That's the story she told me during this Chinese new year...she talked about it with tears....I couldn't say anything but angery too much....I wish he die...I wish he get the most cruel revenge on himself.....

Girls please clear your eyes...never fall in love with someone easily...never love Korean man due to the faked dramas....cause it is not true.

Hi everyone, sorry I disappeared for a long time, and I am very happy to come back here with you....

I had a very nice Chinese new year, it was terrific new year with all of my relatives and friends.

I just came back to Shanghai 2 days ago, and started to work this morning. I felt like being filled with energy, oh I think we really need holidays to relax regularly:)

To talk about something about my new job ....ok....

Since I joined the foreign company in Shanghai, and many colleagues are blue eyes and speak English including my boss( Finland man), and the Chinese colleagues almostly greduated from Europe or Oceania as the MBA, they are smart and excellent, at least they are excellent in English....I felt little bit stressful...:(  I looked like little bit stupid sometimes...When I heared carefully words by words what my boss talked, I found I still couldn't get all what he talked about :(  What can I do...... :(  I found it is not so useful just study the English words everyday....

What I am thinking about now is only work and my future in career...I would like to be deaf when my mother askedme to marry and have babe....I don't know what will happen in the future...but one thing is for sure that I will keep studying...I will cherish the opportunity ....I will not give up myself no matter what happen....

Anyway,Good luck for all of you.....and wish we could communicate each other as before.....I am back

It's the time for introduce my Fiance --Xiao Bai, and intended to show Monica a different relationship from her.

We got along each other for 5 years. In the 5 years, I have experienced the studying for Master degree, and work in another province for 2 years. There are some stories between us, and also the some of  reasons why we didn't break up even we have separated for 2 years.

I am the Buddhist, and I had a necklace of a Buddha when I was studdying for the Master degree. When I went to the WC, my necklace with a figure of Buddhist dropped in the bottom of the pipes of urinal in the W.C. ( forgive my poor English, don't know how to explain it well: there is just the place for our pissing).

I was crying seriously, not because the necklace was made by golden,but it was a figure of buddhist...Guess what happened?? Yes... He helped me....He is a person very neaty, hates the dirt very much. But he put his arm into the pipe of urinal ( because it was too confined, and it was failed when tried with the hook because the necklace has broken, couldn't got up by hook, so only could done with arm). He Bend himself over of the urinal, put all of his left arm in, after about 40 minutes, he got back my necklace.....Of course he rush to have bath immediately after picked it back for me.......

Another thing happened after I went to Guangdong for working while he was studying for his doctor degree in Heilongjiang. You know the distance: 5 hours by airplane, 38 hours by train.we were both poor that moment since I just entered work, and he was a student. Once he helped his teacher for a project, he got 10,000RNB for rewards. He bought a train ticket for going to see me(sit ticket dont have a bed for nearly 40 hours because he wanted to save money for me), and spent the money for travalling with me, and bought me many clothes and little things I like, then left himself several hundred yuan for living, and the ticket for going back (sit only still, 40 hours), then gave all the left money to me, because he said I may need money more........When nearly Chinese new year, he bought the airplan ticket for me but he sitted back to his hometown still...........

My friends said, it is hard to find someone love you don't mind himself.... I also couldn't understand it ....these 5 years... he treated me as the first day we met...He accompany me for shopping every week, he said there is not more happy things for him than seeing me happy.....He will buy everything I like in his ability if it makes me happy...If there is delicous food, he will not eat much after I have enough....He will not be relax and satisfy if I am depressed or frustrated from work or something.....

Maybe there are different sorts of man..and different sorts of relationships, for my Fiance, he loves me more than himselve....He never changed in the 5 years....We get along each other almost of the time after work, and it works well so far.......

 

Yesterday I talked with Xiao bai about my failure on an important something. I found something from our talking and hope to share with friends here.

I believe most of persons greaduated from uni. experienced some period very hard. In that period they couldn't be satisfy about the present job and position;they couldn't be satisfy about the attitude others treated them; they would be very painful for trying change the job....they couldn't feel great when they found they do same job with a person greaducated from college or just high middle school; even they could feel so frustrated when they found their boss came from the worse uni. than them but asking them to do lots of things they don't like.... They must asking the God: Why ?? Why I am so unlucky?? I have paid too much, and experienced the hardest period have got the best uni. degree. Why I should be the same or lower than other guys??? Why others so lucky ??

Yes, that was the period I have experienced...I greduated from one of the best uni. in CHina, I entered one of the best company in China after greduated, but now I changed job, and I failed on something....I am still frustrated.... I still think the world is not fair....I still think I am so unlucky.....

Ok...let me tell what we were wrong....totally wrong....

Dear friends, everything need a long process to accumulate, so that we could get the treature of life. Everyone knows it, but they don't realize we have to make it as Zero after we were successful in one period, the success in one period is the beginning of process for next goal. for example: after we were successful greduated from uni. we must tell us it is the beginning, and it is the zero again and forget all the remarkable things in uni.  We should try our best again to accumulate during the work, so that we could have the right to ask the fate then. So I knew I was wrong have asked too much before I accumulate enough. I haven't the right now, but it is not late have realized it of course.

This moment we have to deiced: Go on ?? or leave alway !! in the fate game!!! Never complain.................

 

 

How much we can be depressed....

I was waiting for one long time, but I think this moment it means I was failed....I lost a chance to change my life a little......

As I said I am the butterfly without wings....I don't think there is still meaningful for me to go on living.....Why there is meaningful??? I always lost what I could have....I always lost my beautiful dreams.....

Yesterday I had my hair cut. Yes others said I am not as beautiful as before...seems loss some girls smell..but I have done it..I have cut off my hair....

Don't worry I am not for love, I am not like other sad girls loss their long hair for they have lost love. I just felt it was strange that I had a very gentle and soft long hair but no longer have such a heart....It was like a lies. So I cut it off...............................

You ask me am I sad?? No....Why????????? I am happy with smile.... and with...tears..............

There was some times I couldn't choose have cheated someone. I was guilty....Even now I am so guilty whenever I think about it.....

For example, I took part in the interview when I was in the ex company. I found the excuse on being sick...But you know when I was in the meeting room for the interview, how nervous I was, how painful and guilty I felt....Because I cheated someone, and they will be disappointed to me on my actions....But how to do?? I know I should quit firstly then find a new one, but I really need the salary, I need it support me to go on.

I was selfish have told a supplier(US)  that I  had no bf when I had a bf before, till now he still couldn't believe me when I told I am not single...He was sad but still insisting on asking me to consider him...He just thought it was the excuse that I have told him I was not single...

Why there are so many things made me painful?? My friend said I always worried too much, there were not what I should worry about. But they are indeed made me painful and guilty for the things I have cheated someone....

Please be yourself although you will enter the interview of the best company in the world....Please be pround although you will meet someone powerful and successful.... Please look them down even you are laughed at by them... Please knock him back even you couldn't be as strong as him....

That's the rule to survive in this world. Everyone is cheap, you never expect respect other too much, because she/he will look you down with laughing at you;  you never expect to move others by your sincerity, because the result would be opposite, they will be snooty just on your sincerity....You never expect others will regard you importantly by your being modest, because they will neglect you just for your being too modest...

I have realized it, so I never be a KIND girl...I am proud, I don't easily smile...I don't express my sincerity always...although in my heart I believe in friendship...I believe in innocence....But it is just the rule for existing....

I am little bit sad...but honestly I am more mature than yesterday....I see this world more clear now...although I don't like it......................

Friends...please be yourself please look them down.. please knock them back !!!!!

 

I have experienced much for the hard time...but this time it made sick and nervours as well as before.

I still remember the days I waited for the result for entering university, I couldn't sleep well, couldn't eat well...lots of pressures....After I got the result, I cried seriously....yes I won...too excited and also I knew how it come--lots of sweat and tears...

I still remember when I was living in the hospital for the appendix operation, how I stand the nevours waiting the result of Master degree information. I was failed...with the painful feelings on the wound....

I still remember how I was stressful when I was waiting for the result of the interview for my first job....When I got their phone that welcome me join, I was nervous with shaking...

I still remember when I was 14 years old, I was in Beijing myself took part in the examination for entering the music university...When I got the sad news I even hadn't the courage for living.....

Time and time again...I bear the hard time...there were both good and sad news which we couldn't change and help.....

Now I am also in the hard time...for a large something...I don't know what's the result...and I felt I am sick...I am too weak to afford if it will be the bad news.............

How much I want to be strong...but you know, sometimes when you made the large effort...after you expected too much...you will feel really stressful for the result....I am confused and painful at the moment....But I know I will be going on hard working and learning....Because I believe there is something very fair in this world....maybe you don't believe it at the moment...but you will realize it in the future.....It is a fair world....and there is the divinity upon you...

 

I don't have good friend after I started work? Yes I have...Her name is Yasu, so lovely a girl.

We knew each other when I was waiting for the bus for Shunde from Guangzhou. She was just there, she was slim, beautiful and special. I smiled to her, she started the topic with me. We exchanged the phone number and talked happily each others.

From then on, my days were different. I could have a person to share all the happiness and bitterness. When I finished work I went back home to have dinner with her, to walking with her, to go shopping with her. I like her style, very modern but not brainless, very slim but very pale, very clever but never show off...

She cook so well, always cook for me and my friends. She looked like a very nice wife of her bf, but same time I felt so different and special of her in my life....But....just after several months, I moved to Jiangsu, and she moved to Guangzhou, she changed her bf as well....

I remembered she said she like Shanghao mostly, I hope she could be back someday....so that I will really have a very good friend around me........

Yasu, happy new year!!! I wish all good luck be around you everyday.....

Any day will do? 哪一天都可以？  
    Any messages for me? 有我的留言吗？  
    Are you by yourself? 你一个人来吗？  
    All right with you? 你没有问题吧？  
    Are you free tomorrow? 明天有空吗？  
    Are you kidding me? 你在跟我开玩笑吧？  
    As soon as possible! 尽可能快！  
    Back in a moment! 马上回来！  
    Believe it or not! 信不信由你！  
    Better luck next time! 下次会更好！  
    Boy will be boys 本性难移！  
    Come to the point! 有话直说！  
    Do you accept plastic? 收不收行用卡？  
    Does it keep long? 可以保存吗？  
    Don't be so fussy! 别挑剔了！  
    Don't count to me! 别指望我！  
    Don't fall for it! 不要上当！  
    Don't get me wrong! 你搞错了！  
    Don't give me that! 少来这套！  
    Don't let me down! 别让我失望！  
    Don't lose your head! 别乐昏了头！  
    Don't over do it! 别做过头了！  
    Don't sit there daydreaming! 别闲着做白日梦！  
    Don't stand on ceremony! 别太拘束！  
    Drop me a line! 要写信给我！  
    Easy come easy go! 来得容易去得也快！  
    First come first served! 先到先得！  
    Get a move on! 快点吧！  
    Get off my back! 不要嘲笑我！  
    Give him the works! 给他点教训！  
    Give me a break! 饶了我吧！  
    Give me a hand! 帮我一个忙！  
    Great minds think alike! 英雄所见略同！  
    I'll treat you to lunch. 午餐我请你！  
    In one ear, out the other ear. 一耳进，一耳出！  
    I'm spaced-out! 我开小差了！  
    I beg your pardon! 请你再说一遍！  
    I can't afford that! 我付不起！  
    I can't follow you! 我不懂你说的！  
    I can't help it! 我情不自禁！  
    I couldn't reach him! 我联络不上他！  
    I cross my heart! 我发誓是真的！  
    I don't mean it! 我不是故意的！  
    I feel very miserable! 我好沮丧！  
    I have no choice! 我别无选择了！  
    I watch my money! 视财如命！  
    I'll be in touch! 保持联络！  
    I'll check it out! 我去看看！  
    I'll show you around! 我带你四处逛逛！ 
    I'll see to it! 我会留意的！ 
    I'm crazy for you! 我为你疯狂！  
    You make me jump! 你下了我一跳！  
    Make up your mind. 作个决定吧！  
    Make yourself at home! 就当在家一样！  
    My mouth is watering! 我要流口水了！  
    Never heard of it! 没听说过！  
    Nice talking to you! 很高兴和你聊天！  
    No doubt about it! 勿庸置疑！  
    No pain no gain! 不经一事，不长一智！  
    None of your business! 要你管？  
    There is nothing on your business! 这没你的事！  
    Now you are really talking! 说得对！  
    Please don't rush me! 请不要吹促我！  
    Please keep me informed! 请一定要通知我！  
    She looks blue today. 她今天很忧郁！  
    She is under the weather. 她心情不好！  
    So far, so good. 过得去。  
    Speaking of the devil! 一说曹操，曹操就到！  
    Stay away from me! 离我远一点！  
    Stay on the ball! 集中注意力！  
    That makes no difference. 不都一样吗？  
    That's a touchy issue! 这是个辣手得问题！  
    That's always the case! 习以为常！  
    That's going too far! 这太离谱了！  
    That's more like that! 这才象话嘛！  
    The answer is zero! 白忙了！  
    The dice is cast! 已成定局了！  
    The same as usual! 一如既往！  
    The walls have ears! 隔墙有耳！  
    There you go again! 你又来了！  
    Time is running out! 没有时间了！  
    We better get going! 最好马上就走

When I just started my first job in Guangdong, I had a female boss who is our export director. I learned much from her, but something by the time past, I could perceived more.....

She ever told me, there are 3 phases of a girl to be mature( of course it is pointed to Chinese traditional girls) : first phase: very tender, and obedient to everyone; second phase: changed to be very strong, as strong as a man, even stronger than man to deal with everything, actually in this period girls are getting thoughtful and mature; third period: to be seemed tender again, but in the inside this lady is almost mature, not only thoughtful but also very skillful.

Firstly I thought I could go the third phase directly never touch second one, but now I think ...I am totally in the second phase at the moment.. I am strong,  serious never too kind in the office...I have my own thoughts, and insist on it...no matter how others feel uncomfortable ....Maybe they said I was woman tiger ?? :)  I don't know....

so I know there are something we couldn't escape...couldn't jump..Just let it be naturally, and feel satisfy and pleased since we have already got the advancement.Of course the same time we lost much....the purity as a girl ?? the innocent eyes???? ..........................................

Our Vice president of our company was fired yesterday. I felt sorry for him, and I wanted to say please be strong to him, but I saved this words.....I just want to say something here to tell my friends to be strong to face what will happen tomorrow.

I admire my US friend Greg, when he was in prison due to others' circumvention, and when he was under supervision, he kept very optimistic attitude, and tried his best to be happy and bright to his life. Finally he overcomed it, and now he is a great engineer again.

Another sample is my US friend Paul, when he was told his left arm would be disable to used anymore, he still joked with me, still asked his doctor to take some pics then sent to me, asked: "am I still handsome?" You know what, he made the miracle to have recovered.

Dear friends, let's be strong, if we refuse to believe ourselves, whoever else will believe? If we give the happiness and optimism up, whoever else will pick it back for us?? Be strong!!!

During the lunch with my friend Karena, we were talking happily about the issues of company. How tricky the CEO is!!How ugly that he is!! How unfair the treatment to our colleague !!! then suddenly I saw Carena opened her mouth and couldn't went on her topics..... My God!!!CEO and her wife was coming....sitting the same table with us!!!!

Then we both were sillent...we faked smilling with manners...I wanted to tell her she was really ugly when she faked smiling...I am sure she felt the same to me....we couldn't say anything till finished the meal...and ate with the highest speed...then rush away!!!

After we went outside, we couldn't stop laughing.......We wondered if he heart we said he was really ugly.... :)

I moved Shanghai from Gunagdong province 2 months ago, I am pleaed and satisfy because Shanghai is more beautiful than Guangdong, more modern, more fantastic ...... but there is only one sadness....I left far from my precious friendships.

I went to Guangdong after I greduated from the university, from when I met some very good friends. We had meal together, sang songs together, talked each others' dreams on the grass around the lake....We felt there was the heaven although there is just factory areas.....

They sent their bank card to me when I was in trouble, they helped me without telling me when I was poor but still wanna change the job....I collected so many reason to convince myself to leave from there....but now I have to admit....I didn't assume the sadness when I left from them.....

I hope all of you merry Christmas, happy new year...come and see me in 2008............ I miss all of you.........................