My happiness is gone

      Somewhere, sometime it is gone quietly.I even cannot grab the tail of happiness. It disappears in front of me. I keep quiet,all the time, not wanting to talk with anybody on anything. I just wander,wander,in a place where I cannot find the way home. Don't know why,don't want to reason why, the most familiar ones become strange, the most happy time becomes burden, the most valuable things become nothing. I talk, but on nonsense. I struggle to cheer up, but in vain. The idea of suicide enters my head, but I know I have to go on, go on living, creating and wishing one day, happiness comes back again. Why? I have to be back to my bad mood again and again? Why? I cannot slow down when I am reluctant to go on, why? the people betwwen me cannot give me courage. Why? Their behavīors influnce me badly. I don't know. Once more, I sit here, in front of the computer, asking questions...

     I shed tears but unhappiness keeps welling up. My heart is like a dark night, no light, no stars, as if I sink down in heaven. Life becomes valuableless, all the things attached to life become valuableless. I know I am suffering...Not from others, but from my soul, the dark spot of my soul. I can never,never weep it out,untill the day I die.I want to live on, but I don't know how to conquer unhappiness; I want to smile often, but I don't know how to make my soul clear and cheeful as ever;I want to make achievements, but I don't know how long and how far I can go. The uncertain and unknown part of my future occupies my mind and keeps me off happiness. I am here, begging, and wishing a little bit sunshine. But outside, it is dark night. Night comes.