Am I really a codger?

Eccentricity, oddity, peculiarity etc. are words I have a dread for.

A friend, who kindly comes to my blog frequently and gives me a lot of comments and suggestions, gave me a hint that I am eerie. Am I really a codger? Ahhahahaha.

Whatever, I don’t want to be a codger. To be a saddhu or a drudger is better than being a codger. I have my son, my wife to take care of. Being a codger means more to me. A person, who is eccentric, will easily go mad, which is something I have an insurmountable dread for. My mother spent most of her time as a mentally deranged person. Sometimes unconsciously I am afraid that one day or another I may turn to be such a lunatic too.

Eccentricity, oddity, peculiarity etc. are characters that may in a way characterize a man who is going astray mentally. They are closely related to a mental disorder in my mind.

When my mother was in a mental hospital in Binzhou, I went there to visit her and brought some necessities. There I saw a lot of mentally deranged people. Some were shouting; some were crying; some were fighting; some were walking languidly like exhausted phantoms; some even pissed in front of the public; some were even tied tightly to a chair or a wood in case he/she might run away or committed suicide. After we got out, I told my sister that I would rather be put into prison than working here with such patients. Ironically, my mother was left uncared for, since she was the least serious. She could take care of herself and only from time to time she might sink into mental disorder. I spent about one thousand Yuan there. Because I didn’t bribe the doctor when we left the hospital, the corrupted doctor didn’t give me the necessary medicine for my mother to keep her mind at peace. As a result, she would vomit everything she ate and it was threatening to choke her. So we were forced to return to the hospital and spent five hundred Yuan more. At that time my monthly salary was no more than two hundred Yuan. I was preparing for postgraduate entrance examination then, which cost me a lot of money. So I don’t think quite well of the doctors.

Even I was not with my mother day and night as I had to work to earn money for her medical treatment, the visits to the hospital still haunt my mind frequently. The panorama of mental disordered patients left me a memory that is indelible.

That is the very reason for me to have a dread for lunatics.

What is more, it is said that mental disorder is hereditary. My mother’s father, that is my grandfather, was mentally deranged. My elder sister was diagnosed with some psychological disorder related to mental illness. I bear a profound hatred for such a disease. I wish god might treat me well and not let me fall to the talon of it.  

Fortunately I am quite optimistic about life, though occasionally I sink into depression too. My only wish in life is to spend this life safe and sound. I am learning English to kill time and amuse myself. I find a lot of pleasure in it. It greatly enriches my life and makes it worthwhile to live.

I will continue to smile at life and I only wish life would smile back at me.

P.S. I have written this article to show my fear for mental disorder. There is nothing else about it.

While I was sleeping soundly last night, I was waken up by noise, from whence it came I didn’t know. It didn’t stop until the dawn of the morning came. I was rendered muddleheaded after I got up. I turned on the radio and didn’t even figure out what people were speaking.

It must have come from the buildings which were being built. It must have had an impact on all people in our subdistrict. Therefore there are more people complaining. I don’t know for what reason they still worked in the depth of the night. It not only has a very bad impact on the local people’s life, but also do harm to the workers’ health. What is more, who can ensure the buildings that are built in the depth of the night can meet the preset qualifications.  

Though I didn’t sleep well last night, I thought such a work style will strain the laborers, it is dangerous. There is more to suffer from if some accidents may happen for both the employers and the employees.