A Girl Just Like Mother

No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．

“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her．

So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：

“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her”

“So，”asked the friend，“what happened？”

“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”

What Is a Traitor？

Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics？”

Father（a veteran politician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”

Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？”

Father：“A convert，my son．”

Stray Thoughts Of an Idler

He who sleeps catches no fish，—but he who keeps awake catches crabs every moment of his life．

All professions can yield a man enough to live on，—except professions of faith．

When attending the performance of some modern operas，it has struck me that the conductor was only beating time because he could not beat the composer．

If in the sight of the law all men are equal， Heaven save us from getting into its sight．

When you want to get rid of a dog， you take off his collar；—when the king wants to get rid of a minister， he give shim the collar—of the Order of the Annunziata．

The place where they ruin people's voices， and throw aside all the canons of art，is called the Conservatoire；and a hospital full of sick peopk is called a“house of health”（Casadi Salute）．

Among the many motives which induce me to stay away from the theatre is the utter absence of all motive in modernoperas．

How many old phrases are required to make a new electoral programme！

All musical notes may express cheerful ideas； it is only thenotes of creditors which arouse none but melancholy reflections．

I entered the shop of a pork butcher at the moment when his son， aged eight， was returning from school． The poor boy was weeping bitterly．

“The old story！”exclaimed his parent ；“I suppose you did not learn your lessons， and the master called you an ass， as you deserved！”

“Yes！” replied the child， sobbing，“he did call me an ass，—and then—”

“Well，—and then —what else？”

“He said，‘well， after all， it is no wonder—like father，like son！’”

“Did he，indeed？the animal！”exclaimed the porkbutcher．“And to think that perhaps he has not yet eaten the whole of those two sausages I sent him at Christmas！”

A Useful Lesson

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar．

Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．”

“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”

There were these two children of color trying to decide what to get dressed as to go trick-or-treating for Halloween. Finally the oldest one,Robert, turned to his sister Francine and said, "I know, we'll go as Hansel and Gretel."

Well, they dressed up as Hansel and Gretel on Halloween night and off they went to ring doorbells all over the neighborhood. They came to a house on the end of their block and Robert rang the doorbell.

"Trick or Treat," Robert and Francine yelled in unison.

The old man at the door peered down at them and said. "And who are you?"

"Why, we're Hansel and Gretel," Robert said.

The man shook his head."You can't be Hansel and Gretel. Hansel and Gretel were white." And then he slammed the door on their faces.

Well Robert and Francine went back to their house and Robert thought furiously. "I know," he said. "You can go as Little Bo Peep and I'll go asLittle Boy Blue."

So they changed quickly into their new costumes and headed back out the door. A few minutes later, they found themselves at the same house as earlier.

"Trick or Treat," Robert and Francine yelled again as the door opened.

Once again the man stared down at them and said, "Who might you be." "Why we're Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue," Robert said. The man shook his head and said. "You can't be Little Bo Peep and LittleBoy Blue. They were white." And he slammed the door on their faces.

Robert and Francine walked back to the house, their candy bags empty. But Robert got an idea and quickly slipped out of his costume. Then he helpedFrancine out of hers.

When the knock came at the door, the old man grabbed his basket of candy and opened the door. Much to his surprise, there were two naked black children standing on his porch.

"Well, what do we have here," he asked.

"Two M&Ms," Robert said. "One with nuts and one without."