1. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　它们是从美国直接带来的

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

　2.经典英语对白

昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，面带微笑的：

　　前台小姐：“Hello.”

　　老外：“Hi.”

　　前台小姐：“You have what thing？”

　　老外：“Can you speak english？”

　　前台小姐：“If I not speak english, I am speaking what？”

　　老外：“Can anybody else speak english？”

　　前台小姐：“You yourself look. All people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go！”

　　老外：“Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English？”

　　前台小姐：“Shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing？”

　　老外：“I want to speak to your head.”

　　前台小姐：“Head not zai. You tomorrow come！”

3.

More Polite

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was the more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 4. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."