I don't know what I am saying
2008-07-26 16:37:41
For these days, I didn't eat well neither sleep deep. all I did is thought about what my Mom siad at the first time when she arrived home from my hometown:" he's in jail, he's sentenced for six years."
You are in jail. my God! I felt something pressed my chest and clutched my heart, that made my blood go slow and my body go weak. I felt I wanna cry. but, why I wanna cry? what I cry for? I asked myself, for several years, I said nothing, I did nothing, just because my Dad and Mom dislike you. and now I still wanna cry? I am so stupid, I told myself again, I really got mad with myself.
You were one of my childhood buddies who went to the same school with me, and walked on the same laneway back home with me. you were a problem boy who were always in trouble and solving your problems with your fists. you were a evil that my Dad said at the old time, and my Mom always said :"what a shame. he's taken to the detention center again. leave him alone, sweet, don't talk to him." and I nodded my head, but, in my deep heart, there was a strange feeling burning, and this feeling was for you, though you were not my BF, neither my GF, But, when you walk on the leanway behind me on the way back homes. I felt you always watched me on the back, then I tried to walk fast, but I couldn't, because my blood got freeze and my feet got heavy. then you passed me with your long legs, your smile was so soft and you dimples were so attractive, that always made my face got hot and my heart got beaten. when you play balls on the street with your friends, you once for a while would stop and looked at my window. I knew you were looking, then I hided myself in the yellow curtain, I was afraid to touch your sight. I don't remember how many times I went to your Mom's grocery store, but I remembered that you always stood up and served me, sometimes your friends who played card with you in front of the store flew whistles at me, you always told them to stop and then you told me that I didn't need to care them. I was nervous at first, but I felt unnervous when you talked to me. for so many times, I told myself to forget everything at the back, but I just can't take it away from my memory. how I can do!
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